Wednesday, October 19th

The weather today was beautiful. So beautiful that I found myself laying in the grass in front of Old Main. On my way to the Hammond Building, the the landscape just caught my eye and something urgingly possessed me to sit down. Almost instinctively, I walked over to the grassy area and plopped my stuff down, followed by myself. As I layed in the grass, I looked at the sky, trees, and horizon. It all just seemed so perfect. Before I even realized it, I found myself caught up in the beauty and awe of nature. I know that may sound cliche and cheezy, but I'll admit to it. I loved it. Everything about the world just seemed to amaze and mystify me in those minutes as I was craddled by the grass. As I went to check the time before class started, I then realized I had been laying there for a good 20 mins. Even then, I found it hard to get up. I simply didn't want to break the "bond" I had made with nature. Unfortunately, my "student priorities" overrid the urge to stay there.

Old Main is without a doubt the most beautiful place around campus. Something about it just puts my spirit at ease.

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Casual Arguement on Columbine (rough)

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Monday, October 17th

So I've finally entered legality. Interesting. I don't feel any different, nor do I look it. I definitely weigh more though, that's for sure. I've found that food tends to be a normality concerning presents. And between me and food, there is no arguement, so naturally I ate it...all. I'll begin compensating for it tomorrow.

It's strange to see people walking around the dorms again after having the hall completely to myself all weekend. It was like a little 3-day party between my neighbors and me. Of course, by "party" I mean we simply hung out. And what fun that hanging out was...

Anywho, I took it upon myself to make the whole weekend part of my birthday, therefore I did zero work. None. I'm screwed. But hey, at least it's my birthday?

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Thursday, October 13th

So I learned last night (which was too late) about National Coming Out Day. My roomate was talking about the group of people that gathered in front of Old Main, consisting not only of gays and lesbians exclaiming their homosexuality, but also of heterosexual bystanding supporters. It was good to hear that those who had the courage to publically come out had other straight people to back them up in their cause. Had I known this was going on, I would have been one of those supporters. I firmly believe the choice between heterosexuality and homosexuality, and see them as equal. The only difference between being straight and gay is merely the gender of whom you choose to be intimate. I just wish I could have been there.

It simply enrages me when I hear hardcore republicans and ignorant people ranting about how it is unnatural and morally wrong. Bullshit. There is scientific proof stating that genetics plays a major role in sexuality. It's as natural as the color of your skin...something encoded deep within you. I just wish I could open their eyes to this. I've noticed it seems mostly to be an older generation's naive view...my parents being part of this group. Possibly they've grown up with this lack of information and fear change from what they've previously been taught? Maybe even religion could be a factor too...but I myself am a christian that believes in choosing sexuality. Whatever it is, I just hope that someday they will come to a realization.

http://www.toppun.com/Rainbow-Store/Gay-Pride-Pictures/Don't-Tolerate-Intolerance-ONLY-Acceptable-Way-Gay-Pride-Flag-Colors.gif∞

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Wednesday, October 12th

Pessimism drives me insane. How can you hope to accomplish anything if you see no chance of it happening? Some people's logic is that if you expect the worst, you can't be dissapointed. If you expect the worst, what pleasure in life is there to look forward to? The logic behind it is understandable, but flawed, and I just wish I could beat pessimism out of people in a way. In the same context, over-optimism isn't good either, but at least it's a positive perspective. I would rather wake up ever morning and look forward to the day than tell myself there's no reason to even get out of bed. It just seems to drain all the enjoyment out of life.

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Monday, October 10th

How is it that procrastination seems to promote a stronger effort than doing assignments ahead of time? It seems that way for me at least. I simply can't do projects, write essays, or even study until it almost gets significantly close to the deadline. I've even tried to do things ahead of time before and I either a) have trouble concentrating or b) put off a half-assed effort and don't take it as seriously. Is this a deliberate mindset on my part, or does the pressure of the "break down" period simply push me to increase my efforts? In a way, I kind of like the pressure. It almost makes it more of a self-challenge. And in most cases, I usually win.

Now to start studying for tomorrow's math exam...

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Sunday, October 9th

I never realized there was any significant genocide in more recent times, nonetheless in Cambodia. Though this one wasn't necessarily the holocaust, it was pretty gruesome in itself. After a four-year Communist regime with the country, over 1 million people died, most from starvation and malnutrition. (That's nearly 1/7 of the population.) The stories of the prison camp S-21 are also quite disturbing. I can't even imagine being tortured until confession, especially in the case that I had nothing to confess to. And out of over 14,000 inmates, I can't believe that only seven survived. Seven. How does one live through all of that? I can't even congure how one could live day to day after experiencing that all. The psychological trama would probably kill me alone. For those that did live through this great tragedy, I hold respect for them and hope they are able live on with the past behind them.

Cambodian Genocide Article∞

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Saturday, October 8th

What a game. It was absolutely amazing. When we intercepted the ball after that first touchdown, I nearly cried. Between that and seeing the massive crowd of white consuming the student section, it hit me once again that I'm actually a part of this. I am part of Penn State in its entirety. It was almost overwhelming to think about, and I think it's still kind of in the back of my mind. And I still have 3 more years after this to experience even more yet. It's simply a dream...that's all I can really say.

Happy Valley will forever be my home.

WELCOM HOME Dragon Fire!!!! - Squad514 p.s. is it 8 days now?? Lets hear the count down 7, 6, 5 . . .

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Thrusday, October 6th

How is it that the smallest things can mean the most to someone? A smile, a hug, a kind word all can make a world of difference. Sometimes that’s all it takes to turn someone’s entire day around and make a bad day into a good one. But what is it about these simple things that can turn negativity around and make it alright? Maybe our attitudes are just that dependent on the kindness of other people. If so, then maybe our fate truly does sit in the hands of others. That just makes me wonder how in control we really are of ourselves and our emotions.

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Oh, calculus. I don't think I'll ever be able to get away from it for the rest of my existence.

I'm reviewing for an upcoming exam, and this stuff just kills me. I understand the concepts, setting up equations, and solving them, but when it comes time for me to actually evaluate the problem, for some reason I just can't figure it out. It's not that I get nervous or anything, I just can't solve it on my own. I've taken two years of calculus in high school, and it's all been the same material and theorems. For as redundant as it may seem, each year I find myself learning it all over again. Why? I should have this stuff down cold by now. Could I be calculus deficient? Or maybe I'm just a victim of mathematical dislexia. Whatever it is, I fear that I'll have this struggle well into my career. (Sadly, I'm going into mechanical engineering.) And the irony of it all...I love math.

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Wednesday, October 5th

12 days in counting until i turn 18. Woot.

Still being a minor sucks. It's not just the lack of benefits, either...it's the feeling that comes with it. It seems that everyone around me is able to go places and do things that I have yet to encounter myself. I feel I have the responisibilities and logic of a young adult, yet the law clearly states that I am not. Apperently the almighty government knows that 18 is the exact, definite age. What significance does age have to determine individual maturity, anyway? Maybe we should start judging by that rather than age alone. If this method did come into effect though, I guess it would really be a question of how to determine maturity levels. Even more so, what would be the minimum amount of "maturity" required? Bah, I'll just let it go. You win for now, government, but next time...

Incase I don’t get a chance or just forget (I’m getting old ya know) Happy Birthday… mine is 10-29-19.… -Squad514
Oh to be 17, 18 no 21 again….

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Monday, October 3rd

Fall is coming early for this time of year.

What a weekend. Between finding that I have absolutely zero money and traveling 6 hours on the highway, all in under 36 hours, it's been quite a thrill. I felt like some new-age vagrant or vagabond...it was awesome. After spending time with all the people I've missed for the past month, it was worth it. I'm just glad I was able to make it back here alright.

It's almost didn't surprise me that even after just one month, Penn State felt more like home than when I visited my own. Considering I'll be doing summer session, I guess this technically is my home now. I have formed such strong bonds in little time here that I understand why most college friendships last longer than high school ones. It makes sense though, considering that the people around you have pretty much become your family. You rely on them for laughter, support, help, and caring....sometimes even food and money. Now that I think about it, the people I've met here pretty much are Penn State. The experience and comfort just wouldn't exist without them.

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Monday, September 26th

Sometimes it's such a hassle to charge your phone. A battery seems to die or run low just when you need to use it the most. It almost makes me wonder why cell phones don't come equipped with solar pannels to charge them...much like a graphing calculator does. Whenever light could be taken in, it would be charged into the battery and stored for future use. Think of the possibilies...light is found virtually everywhere. And about 75% of the time spend on the phone is usually in a bright and/or lighted area. The dead battery dilema would be eternally solved. Never again would we be slaves to plugs and outlets. We would never have to resort to anything for our phone power needs. Life would be beautiful.

One day after I graduate and I'm an all-powerful engineering marvel, I will birth this invention into life. And after several prototypes and models, when it's in production and used on the street, you would be sure to find my name under the patent and licensing...just wait.

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Sunday, September 25th

Understanding Comics seems to intrigue me more and more each time I read it. I never thought up the concept of there being more within abstract sketching than within realistic images. Then again, I look at my Monet pictures around the room and see how that is possible. I've just never contemplated it outside of paintings and artwork. I guess I've been opened up to a whole new form of art that I hadn't considered until now.

A dog's been barking and whimpering outside for the past three hours. I wonder what is troubling it. The range of troubles and circumstances seems so much lesser to an animal...it just seems like there must be a simple solution to resolve any of their problems. Then again, maybe I am underestimating animals just as I did artwork. Still, what is a dog doing around campus at night? I hope some jerk didn't tie it up and abondon it or anything. Yet, I'm doing nothing about it. I'm sure that's why it's still there...because others are just sitting around and contemplating/ignoring it just as I am. Yeah, I feel too caught up in humanic egotism...I'm gonna see if I can resolve this. Someone has to break the lack of effort.

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My Icon

http://images.neopets.com/pets/happy/cybunny_maraquan_baby.gif∞

This is the icon that I've found to best represent myself. It's cute at one glance and then awkward at the next. Though it looks mostly like a rabbit, there's a mysterious mix of other things added to it, making it almost uncomprehendable and mysterious. The creature seems to be kind and gentle, yet still have a flair, personality, and originality of its own. You can tell there's more to what you see, but can't quite put a finger on it. It is mystifying, contemplative, strange, and internally beautiful. This is me.

In the icon, the unnamed creature appears to be flying. I feel this represents a free spirit trapped within its body, just trying to get out. I believe there is something past our pure existence alone. There's something more that we have not yet discovered, just waiting to be found. It calls to us and beckons until it is unevitably seeked. We all have our own individual original spirits, and thought sometimes we think they have already been figured out, we come to find that sometimes we are not entirely right. There's always something more to be learned, and once that is understood, there's insistantly one more thing just waiting to be uncovered.

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Saturday, September 24th

Have you ever had one of those days when you're just unnatural to your normal self? It's one of those. I feel lifeless, thoughtless, emotionsless. I'm pretty much just a living hoard of mass. I hate this feeling. I'm wasting precious moments and time in which I could be taking up opportunities and experiences. I just don't feel like doing anything, nonetheless have any motive to do so. This is a waste of existence. Wtf...I just want to slap myself out of it. I don't think I even have a catalyst that promoted this. There's nothing I can do, and that just miffs me even more. arrrrgh....

The mind is a power of its own. One day it will consume our concious.

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Friday, September 23rd

I'm determined to get home next weekend. Only one problem...I have no ride and my parents said that they'd rather I wait until a 3-day weekend. I miss my friends, I miss my hometown, I miss everything. I'm too determined to give up now. Once my mind's made up, I follow through at all costs. Greyhounds are expensive as hell, but I'll resort to that if I have to. Maybe I'll luck out and find a ride...you never know. If my parents don't feel they need to see me, oh well. I probably wouldn't hang around the house too much anyway. I'm too anticipant to see three people whom I love more than anyone else in the world. "No" isn't an option anymore.

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Thursday, September 22nd

My roomate and I are getting along a lot better than I had expected. I find that we share a lot of similar interests and ideas. Even our sense of humor is similar. I kind of feel bad now that I didn't necesarily give her the benefit of the doubt. I guess I was just bitter about the whole situation and too caught up in it to analyze her with an open mind. I like her...even though her boyfriend is still scary as hell.

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Wednesday, September 21st

For as much as I like the movie Donnie Darko, I was never able to fully understand the plot of it...until tonight. Something just kind of clicked and I sudddenly understood, like a missing link was found and connected. The sad part is, I'm not quite sure what that missing piece was. Even more so, I couldn't even begin to explain my discovery in the plot if I tried. Phrases just can't seem to do it. I find it funny that there's so many things in this world that just can't be explained. Sometimes words just fail, and you have to just go by experience, thought, or feeling. When it comes down to it, the unexplainable seems to be one of the things that makes life worthwhile.

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Tuesday, September 20th

So my roommate's boyfriend is staying over...again. Normally I wouldn't have a problem with that in the slightest, except he's kind of weird. I don't mean he's awkward or acts funny, I mean that he's freakishly scary. Sometimes I look at him and get a shiver down my spine. He looks like a serial rapist, and I wish I was kidding about that. Just the look in his eyes screams "you're next". He's always here though. Like, it's only at certain times that she's around, and when she is, it's very unlikely that he's not with her. Next time he comes over and she leaves the room to take a shower or something, I just want to stand up and yell "you're freaking creepy as hell...go away!". I apologize, normally I'm one to look beyond looks...but he's so.... *shudder*

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Thursday, September 15th

One thing I love about this place is that I have countless opportunities to meet new people at least once a day. Today, I met one of the most awesome girls I have yet to meet here. She lives in supplemental and never really got introduced to her until today. All I can say is that we hit it off right away. So much, that in fact we mutually agreed that we want to be roommates. I just want to pull her out of supplemental so bad and take her into my room, but I'm not quite sure how to break it to my roommate. I'm so bad with confrontation, but I just want this so bad. This would make her my third roommate, and of course three's a charm. 'Twas meant to be. But how do I approach this? Perhaps I should turn to rhetoric...

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IM Conversation #1

rdysetexplode: i saw you liked zebrahead and didn't post an im conversation to your blog yet, so i figured i'd say hello
Dragonfire2863: oh hey
Dragonfire2863: yeah, zebrahead's the [best]
rdysetexplode: yes. they are.
rdysetexplode: so, what's going on?
Dragonfire2863: not too much, just hanging out
Dragonfire2863: u?
rdysetexplode: nothing...trying to waste time before class
rdysetexplode: i'm mike by the way
Dragonfire2863: lol, i know what you mean
Dragonfire2863: i'm nicole
Dragonfire2863: nice to meet you
rdysetexplode: you too
rdysetexplode: even though i'm fairly sure i've never talked to you in person or have any idea who you are
Dragonfire2863: lol, likewise
Dragonfire2863: we've probably seen each other but never put a name to a face
rdysetexplode: true
rdysetexplode: well, i'm the goofy looking kid that was wearing a fall out boy shirt yesterday
Dragonfire2863: omg...i know who you are
Dragonfire2863: i saw that and was like "that kid's awesome"
rdysetexplode: haha
rdysetexplode: nice
Dragonfire2863: love the fallout boys
rdysetexplode: sweet
Dragonfire2863: yeah, i was in the last group to present
Dragonfire2863: green tye dye shirt with flippy brown hair
rdysetexplode: ok...i think i know who you are
Dragonfire2863: yeah, i'll make sure to approach you tomorrow
rdysetexplode: alright...sounds good
Dragonfire2863: yup yup
rdysetexplode: so, exactly what are we supposed to talk about in this conversation?
rdysetexplode: final paper topics or something?
Dragonfire2863: i have no idea
Dragonfire2863: i think we're just supposed to talk and find similar interests and how we get along
rdysetexplode: ok
Dragonfire2863: music obviously fits under that with us
rdysetexplode: yes it does
rdysetexplode: what other kind of music do you like?
Dragonfire2863: generally rock
Dragonfire2863: punk, classic, alternative
rdysetexplode: cool
Dragonfire2863: how bout u?
rdysetexplode: straight up rock and roll, indie rock, pop punk, metal(core) (i like a lot of really bad/cheesy bands), hardcore, acoustic stuff...i can get into mostly anything though
rdysetexplode: so, i guess if we're supposed to find similar interests, music being one of them, what are some other things you enjoy participating in?
Dragonfire2863: i kind of have a broad variety of interests
Dragonfire2863: i play guitar, and am practically addicted to DDR
rdysetexplode: nice...i'm too much of a pussy/too uncoordinated to have ever tried ddr
rdysetexplode: i love guitar though
Dragonfire2863: aw, ddr's not too bad
Dragonfire2863: do you play guitar too?
rdysetexplode: yeah...poorly though
rdysetexplode: i love it more than anything though...i'd love to play guitar for the rest of my life and have it support me
Dragonfire2863: oh yeah, that's a fantasy
Dragonfire2863: if only...
rdysetexplode: haha
rdysetexplode: yeah
rdysetexplode: it's so much fun though
rdysetexplode: have you ever played in a band?
Dragonfire2863: i tried to start up a band, but never got enough people willing to do it
Dragonfire2863: so i spend a lot of time with my friend's band
rdysetexplode: cool
Dragonfire2863: you play in a band?
rdysetexplode: yeah...and i'm in love with it
Dragonfire2863: haha, i hear ya
rdysetexplode: i actually wasn't going to come here so i could stay home and work on that constantly
rdysetexplode: but i figured i'd try this out
Dragonfire2863: oh cool, good for you
Dragonfire2863: i couldn't wait to come up here
Dragonfire2863: both my friends did that though....they're striving to get a deal while working
Dragonfire2863: they have the potential for it, i just hope they find it
rdysetexplode: yeah
rdysetexplode: next summer, that's what we'll be doing
rdysetexplode: we have a band that we're going to work with who has been doing this for a while so hopefully things work out
Dragonfire2863: oh nice...hope things work out for you too
rdysetexplode: thanks, but right now, i have to go draw for 3 hours. so i'll talk to you later.

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IM conversation #2

KTdaisy87: hey, do you have any ideas for the English paper?
Dragonfire2863: lol...i dont' have anything
KTdaisy87: me neither :-(
Dragonfire2863: aww
Dragonfire2863: i'm nicole, by the way
KTdaisy87: i'm katie
Dragonfire2863: cool, cool
KTdaisy87: i can't seem to find a topic that i can write like 10 pages about
Dragonfire2863: well, luckily it's not due until later in the semester
KTdaisy87: yeah but don't we have to like post conversations with 2 people about it
Dragonfire2863: lol, i know what you mean
Dragonfire2863: kind of feels...intrusive or something
KTdaisy87: i know
Dragonfire2863: so yeah...
Dragonfire2863: what to talk about
KTdaisy87: your narrative was really good by the way
Dragonfire2863: lol
Dragonfire2863: aw, thank you
Dragonfire2863: i thought it was really cheezy, i just didn't know what else to write about
Dragonfire2863: i really wish i could put your name to a face right now...kind of feel bad that i don't really know anyone in the class
KTdaisy87: i dont really know anyone either, im a small girl with shoulder length blonde hair
KTdaisy87: i dont talk much in class
Dragonfire2863: where do you usually sit?
KTdaisy87: towards the back near the door
Dragonfire2863: lol, i think i know you
KTdaisy87: i was in the group that got bombarded with questions last class
Dragonfire2863: i usually come in late and sit in the back....i'm a little short with brown, flippy hair
Dragonfire2863: lol, aw...i felt bad for you guys
Dragonfire2863: i was in the last group that went
KTdaisy87: ok i think i know who you are
Dragonfire2863: nice
Dragonfire2863: cool, we somewhat know each other...i like it
KTdaisy87: :-)
Dragonfire2863: nice to formerly meet you
Dragonfire2863: lol
KTdaisy87: i saw that you might minor is psychology, do you have a psych class right now
KTdaisy87: in*
Dragonfire2863: oh cool, my posts are acutally read...
Dragonfire2863: yeah, i have it right now and i love it
KTdaisy87: me too
Dragonfire2863: after i found out that there's such thing as engineering psychology, i was hooked
Dragonfire2863: cool, do you have peck?
KTdaisy87: is that your teacher
Dragonfire2863: yeah...he's awesome
Dragonfire2863: i take it you have someone else
KTdaisy87: yeah lol
Dragonfire2863: haha, guess that could be taken kind of wrong...
KTdaisy87: lol
KTdaisy87: everybody seems to be thinking about writing their papers about football or some sport
Dragonfire2863: yeah, i know
Dragonfire2863: i was considering doing it on music
KTdaisy87: that'd be cool, like what about it
Dragonfire2863: i dont' know...maybe musical influence or something
Dragonfire2863: i'm still not entirely sure what the paper concerns
KTdaisy87: yeah me neither
Dragonfire2863: cool, i'm not alone in confusion
KTdaisy87: yeah, i think a lot of people are confused
Dragonfire2863: yeah, well it's not really been explained yet
Dragonfire2863: we could probably figure it out if we looked on the webpage hard enough
KTdaisy87: im sure we could... i hate all that web stuff though lol
Dragonfire2863: lol
Dragonfire2863: there's just so...much
KTdaisy87: there's always so much stuff to look through
Dragonfire2863: haha, yeah
KTdaisy87: well i'm gonna go work on some homework, i still have to read that understanding comics thing
Dragonfire2863: ok...cool talking to you
KTdaisy87: you too, cya :-)
Dragonfire2863: it's pretty interesting, i liked it
Dragonfire2863: bye

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Wednesday, September 14th

I hate chemistry. I hate it with a passion. Ever since I took it in my junior year of high school, I've been dreading its eventual return in college. Now it's here, and I'd rather slam my head repeatedly in a door until I suffer concussional damage than bear through this again. It's satan. No amount of physical pain could match the psychological damage this subject has caused me. If it were a living, tangible thing, I would murder it without hesitation. I hate it. When in my future will I ever need to know the chemical decomposition of magnesium or the atomic structure of Sodium Bromide?!? Never...that's when. Leave it to the chemists to figure that crap out and then hand it over to me. I'd rather pay for my own personal chemical assistant than try to absorb this insignificantly large amount of information. Wtf...

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After reading the first chapter, I have found that comics are simply "juxtaposed pictorial and other images in deliberate sequence". I didn't even know what the word "juxtaposed" meant until i looked it up. Anyway, I was impressed with the history and explination described within the book and found it pretty interesting. I had always thought of comics as a storybook, and somewhat juvenile, but never as an artform in writing. I've read mongas and other comics for entertainment, but never thought of them as serving importance for anything other than that. I now have a whole new appreciation.

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Monday, September 12th

I love how my parents still try to run my life over a long distance. Even though I'm now in college, they still seem to feel that I can't make the proper decisions on my own...like I can't tell right from wrong. What the hell? I've been personally independent for a few years now, and they've even commented about it. "How did you become so responsible? What caused you to be this independent and mature at your age?" I've had a few things in my past that have led me to become the early-matured, responsible person that I am. I assume that because I've moved away and actually become physically independent from my parents, I am now irresponsible, naive, and vulnerable? Quite the opposite, thank you parental units. I am able to make decisions on my own, probably even more reliable than before. I'm sure it's a whole "empty nest syndrome" thing and they're just worried about my well-being, but still I say "what the f@#$?" I've felt ready and willing to break away for such long time. Now, if only they'd give me the chance.

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Sunday, September 11th

Is it bad that I didn't realize the date until later this evening? I didn't mean to forget, it's just that it never really hit me. This is kind of ironic considering the famous 9/11 slogan is "We will never forget." I remember everything from that fateful September morning, and how it impacted me so. Now, it just seems like something that's happened in the past, and I've moved on. We can't do anything now about what happened that day, but just keep them in our thoughts. It seems now that it has just as much significance as December 7th. I'm sure the fact that I was not directly affected plays a role in this, but i wonder how many people view this in the same aspect. I hope I'm not just a very neglectful person. If so, I deeply apologize.

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Remix of IslandGirlNarrative

“Alright, I’ve got my clothes, food, decorations, etc. What else should I bring?” I asked myself as I threw several items into one of many bags. It seems like I’m taking any and all belongings with me. “Could I possibly be over-packing? What if my roommate sucks? How inevitable is the Freshman 15?” These were all questions that popped into my head when I thought of my arrival the next day. In twenty-four hours I would be sitting in a dorm room at Penn State, unpacking the selected material from my bags. Stuffing the last items into their resting places for the trip, I rested my head upon a pillow and thought about just where I would be one day later.

I never thought this time would come. I had no question about where I wanted to go to college and made sure that I applied as soon as possible. Penn State is a huge school with such a diverse environment, which is exactly what I was looking for. Could I have possibly made the wrong decision, though? I could be going somewhere close like Temple, West Chester, or Drexel. These are all decently-sized schools and provided the curriculum that I was looking for. Instead, I followed my life-long instinct and wanted nothing other than Penn State. I know this is right.

Penn State provided a similar, yet broader environment than what I was used to. About ten years back, I found myself in a Catholic elementary school surrounded by twenty-six classmates. Scanning the room I find everyone dressed in uniform: girls in blue plaid jumpers and boys in blue pants and button up shirts. Here, I feel very sheltered from the outside world and all of the diversity that exists. A few years later, I am in a public high school in which my class consists of 365 students. Looking down the hallway, I remember seeing several different groups of friends. Diversity is apparent and we all had our differences, yet we all managed to live somewhat harmoniously, creating what I thought of as a more realistic, mature world.

I believe that Penn State is the perfect choice. I was raised in a “small world”, and maybe I need a school that will better prepare me for the “real world” that exists. The work load may be harder, but at least I will get to meet a massive group of new people. Feeling even more confident in my decision, I grew tired and decided to have one last, hearty sleep in my bed at home.

“Beep, beep, beep!” my alarm wined. At seven o’clock in the morning, it was time to pack the car and leave. Refreshed, I am ready to begin the next phase of my life. Change, here I come.

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Friday, September 9th

I wish that some people would just know their limits. I'm not necessarily referring to intoxication (at least not totally) but rather anything that can be overdone. I firmly believe in "everything in moderation", but some seem to neglect the moderation aspect of it. I hate when others can't seem to sense that enough is enough. I have no objection to people's actions and choices, but I just wish they were sometimes more conscious of it. I say this because in these scenarios, they tend to start affecting and/or relying on others. Then there's the possible physical and psychological effects of that, but that's more or less their resulting action. I guess what I'm trying to say is that that I have no problem with what people do, just as long as they only trouble stays with them alone.

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Thursday, September 8th

I've never realized before how much I enjoy examining the human psyche. I find that I contemplate our thoughts and actions all the time and never really seem to stop. I just want to know what drives people and makes them work. People in general just fascinate and enthuse me altogether. In my psychology class, for example, I have never been as interested and alert during any kind of lecture for as long as I can remember. Even more so, this is an 8 am class that I look forward to waking up to twice a week, usually after being up until 2 am the night before. A contributing factor could be that my teacher is amazing, but even with that, the material just amazes me even more.

This makes me wonder whether engineering is truly the field I should be going into. Am I making the right choice? What if what I thought I've wanted my whole life truly seconds some greater desire? I know it's only the second week of school, but I still can't help but contemplate it. Maybe I'm just over analyzing this whole thing.

I think way too much.

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It's strange how things can change so much over the course of a day. I won't go through it all, but rather just say that it ended after me being out all day and my roommate informing me that she is moving out. So I will now have to get acquainted to living with a total stranger and go through the first week of awkwardness all over again. I have no hard feelings against it, it's just more of a hassle than anything. I'm sure we'll get along and be living in harmony in no time...I hope. Oh well, se la vi.

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Tuesday, September 6th

Ok...so it's late at night and I can't sleep, therefore I have decided to post on my blog. Technically, the date is early Wednesday morning, but in my blogworld it is still Tuesday night, so bear with me. I'm just hoping that I don't wake my roommate up while in the process of doing this.

Insomnia is quite a funny thing. Despite how tired and physically wiped you are, your mind refuses to allow it the desired sleep it needs to replenish itself. This makes me further wonder how much of our subconscious is in control. What amount of our mind is actually under our control as compared to what amount is actually controlling us? It's almost like having a being within a being when you think about it. Makes me wonder if it could someday take over us entirely. And if so, when would it strike?

Then again, contemplating this kind of crap is probably the reason why I can't sleep. *urgh* Brains need to come equipped with an off button. Then maybe the world would become a happy, restful place. If not, at least I'd be able to get some freaking sleep!

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Monday, September 5th

It has come to my attention that I have an addiction. After being two weeks sober of this habit, I'll admit that I have picked it up again. Today, I was rummaging around under my bed, and there it was sitting, just waiting for me to find it. It called to me in its discovery and I just could not refuse its beckon. Pulling it from seclusion, I couldn’t help but be hit by a wave of anticipation. I just had to do it. Quickly, I threw it onto the floor and plugged it in. As the intro started up, I had no idea how much I had missed the game. Yes, I had stumbled across my DDR pad. Dance Dance Revolution was something I had played as least once a day over the past few months, and it felt so good to finally do it again. Some don’t realize just how addicting it is once you start. I played for 2 hours, managing to put off dinner and homework in the process. I’m surprised I was actually able to hold off for this long of a time. This was inevitable, though. In the future, I fear I may need a support group.

Two narratives I enjoyed were Wags'∞ story of his arrival here and CarpeDiem's∞ venture to high school. Both had a similar "first day" theme regarding two different experiences.

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Narrative

Standing over an empty hole, I could smell the aroma of freshly-turned soil. Confusion and regret swirled within me as I gazed down into this newly-made eyelet in the earth. I was still in shock over what had just occurred. I felt as if the circumstances were my fault. I couldn’t help but kick myself over what could have been done before it was too late. Trying to shake off my thoughts, I quickly tossed a plastic bag from my hand into the shallow opening below. Picking up my shovel, I vigorously filled the hole with dirt until it leveled with the ground. I walked away with a tear in my eye as I thought back to the start of this whole ordeal.

It was a beautiful spring day and the sun gleamed above. My mother, sister, and I had decided to take advantage of the weather by weeding the front yard. While pulling up shoots and sprouts, we heard a vague mewing from behind a nearby holly bush. Indulging in our curiosity, we wandered over to the bush and pulled back the branches, only to reveal a small gray kitten huddled beneath its umbrage. Her brilliant blue eyes stared up at us with helplessness, begging for rescue. She must have been abandoned by her mother and forced to survive on her own. Taking pity upon her, my mother allowed us to take care of the kitten.

After carrying her inside, I immediately poured a bowl of fresh milk for it to drink. Placing the bowl in front of the kitten, she turned her little pink nose away as if disgusted. I tried force-feeding her, but she still refused to drink. My family and I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to feed the scrawny cat, but she seemed not to be hungry. All the while we had played with her, and soon the entire family grew to love her. She seemed to fill a hole within all of us that we never knew existed. Without question, my parents allowed us to keep her. She had already become part of the family.

Coming home from school two days later, I was anticipant to play with our new cat. As I approached the cage, she was resting peacefully on her side. She lay still as I opened the cage to take her out. I lifted her back paw to wake her, and to my surprise, the rest of her frail body rose with it, stiffened in the same position. I jumped back in horror as the reality of her rigor mortis body set in. She was dead.

With a heavy heart, I buried our kitten in the back yard, under the shade of a tall maple tree. Though I did not know the cause of her death, regarding her refusal of food, I assumed it was because of malnourishment. I blamed myself for not taking her to a vet, otherwise she might have survived. Though I barely knew the poor creature, she took a piece of my heart with her as she found her final resting place in the ground that day.

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Thursday, September 1st

I'm not quite sure what to say, but I guess writing in here is something I should get acquainted to doing. My name is Nicole and I am a freshman here at the beautiful Penn State University. I intend to major in mechanical engineering with a possible minor in psychology. I've loved this school for as long as I can remember, and being here is no less than a dream for me. Even my dorm in Shulze Hall seems perfect, though it's in desperate need of renovation. Nothing can seem to bring me down in Happy Valley, and I love it. I come from a small town in southeastern Pennsylvania, named Kennett Square, which is just off of the Delaware border. At the moment, I am 17 years old, and needless to say, cannot wait until my birthday this October. My interests include playing guitar, DDR, and just having a good time. My favorite bands include those such as Green Day, Zebrahead, CKY, Barenaked Ladies, Blink 182, The Offspring, Chronic Future, and more. In respect to personality, I’m extremely easygoing and just love being around people. I also live by a “carpe diem” philosophy, in which I believe in making the most of every opportunity and spending as much time as I can experiencing all that life has to offer. As for my licensing, I decided to put my work under Sample Plus. It allows others to view and use my work for non-advertising purposes while still allowing me to maintain rights to it. I have no problem with others using my work as long as I get the original credit for my writing.

I've been exposed to blogs before, but merely for my own interest. Though I have posted my thoughts online several times in the past, somehow this seems different. It seems strange to me that writing something I normally do for my own amusement is now counted for class credit. I look forward to it and hope that these now "required" entries will not make me feel too pressured to the point where I hold back. I will be open with you as long as you open up to me.

http://creativecommons.org/images/public/sampling.gif∞