Justin Jamison
English 15
Causality Arguments
Obesity

Obesity in the United States has been on a steady rise. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has many colored graphs to illustrate this [trend; it's often confusing to use "this" without specifying to what it refers. Also, it's grammatically incorrect]. This link is the only one available online. The rest are in downloadable PDF or PowerPoint format.

http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/obesity/images/obesity_map_2004.gif∞
(This graph shows the percentage of people in each state that are presently considered obese)
http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/obesity/trend/maps/index.htm∞
(This is the website from which the set of graphs can be downloaded)

In 1985[,] all of the states had less than 14% of their population being obese. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention says that obesity is having a Body Mass Index (BMI) of greater than thirty. To find BMI you take the subjects weight in kilograms, and divide it over their height in meters squared ["divide it over their height in meters squared" is not a sentence!]. The only flaw of this equation is subjects with excess muscle, who were not included in the study. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention maintains that obesity has been on the rise since 1985. However, the question is, “Why?” Actually, there can be many different explanations for why this has occurred, but I would like to focus on three of them. Obesity has been increasing over the years due to the following: a general lack of concern for nutrition, an abundance of fast food restaurants, and laying cause anywhere other than oneself [this list lacks parallelism; you might try saying "an unwillingness to accept resonsibility on the part of the American population"].
In the past five years, concern for nutrition has actually increased. However, before this, the general consensus was, “the more food the better.” This stems from the Depression and how food was scarce. The Depression left a fear in people that if there was food, all was well. The phrase, “comfort food,” may have stemmed from this time. The term “healthy” was also defined differently. If the mothers of yesteryear saw the modern super models, they would decree that these "gods" were too skinny. One phrase that was used frequently was, “Get some meat on them bones!” [i]mplying that you weren’t healthy if you were not somewhat overweight compared to today’s standards. You were considered sickly. Compared to today, we have an almost impossible idea of what health and beauty are, leading to much [widespread; it's not wrong to use much, but widespread sounds more "college"] depression emotionally. In addition, today we have another problem entirely that plagues us.
Fast food is today’s plague. With a McDonald’s and Burger King on almost every corner, we have given up health for convenience. The majority of today’s working class does not seem to have time to sit down and choose a healthy lunch or dinner. Also, when they do sit down in a restaurant, it’s usually an expensive dinner with a client, meant to impress. During these meals, healthy food is the last thing on most workers’ minds after a long day of work [this sentence makes some weird and confusing class jumps. "Working class" refers, specifically, to blue collar, whereas "dinner with clients" is a trope of white collar workers]. Lately we have become more and more aware of nutrition as a country. However it has done nothing to quell our hunger [why? if we have become so interested in nutrition (as you say several times), why are we eatting less healthy and spending more time not exercising?]. There are other claims about obesity that lay cause elsewhere.
One of the popular claims for the cause of obesity is that it is a disease that we cannot control, comparable to how we get our height, or even eye color [where do these claims come from? What sources do you have for this statement?]. The only cure, they argue, are stomach stapling or pills that accelerate metabolism [who argues?]. This cannot be the case. It seems as if these people [???] are blaming the food they are eating. This argument takes blame away from the individual. Granted, I understand that people can inherit a slower metabolism, but that doesn’t mean that they should gorge themselves anyway. I believe that people in today’s day and age do not need stomach stapling or pills. They just need to learn their limits. [And ...]
Overall, I believe that people need to address their problems and recognize that we are getting unhealthier. We as a nation need to focus not on the, “Why?” of the problem, but, “How can we fix it?” Pills and stomach stapling may help extreme cases, but after the treatment is over, the subject will only gain more weight if they do not learn moderation. This country as a whole needs to do away with greasy french fries and cheeseburgers, and embrace healthier foods and lifestyles.

[I think you have a split thesis in this paper. Are you arguing that we need to stop blaming others or that we should ban fast food? If we excite in a society that constantly bombards us with sexualized images of greasy food and an entire culture of indulgence, why is banning fast food the answer? Also, why is not blaming others the answer, as well? I want more on this issue, but you do make some interesting first steps]