“Hair dryer, toothbrush, socks, shampoo, pajamas…what don’t I need?” I [said] aloud as I packed everything into one of the many bags scattered around my room. I [feel] as if I am taking everything I own [ <- watch out for tense agreement. You have problems like this throughout your paper. Keep an eye out for them, in the future]. “Will other people bring this much?” “Will I like my roommate?” “Is the food going to be good?” These were all questions that popped into my head when I thought of where I would be the next day. In twenty-four hours from now[isn't this taking place in the past?][,] I will find myself in my dorm room three hours from home, unpacking all of these things that I have meticulously placed in my suitcases. Stuffing the last items into their resting places for the trip, I lay my head down on my pillow, close my eyes, and think about where I will be and how I got there.

I never thought this time would come. I put off my college decision as long as possible and after making the decision I stopped thinking about it, until now of course. Penn State is a huge school with such a diverse environment, totally placing me out of my element. Is it possible that I made the wrong decision and am just coming to this realization now? I could be going somewhere close like Moravian, Muhlenberg, or DeSales. These are all small schools and I would be able to play Division III volleyball, one thing that I would love to do. Instead something inside of me led me to larger schools. Pittsburgh and Delaware were always two options, but neither of them were just right. Is Penn State?

Looking back, Penn State provides a completely opposite environment than the one I am used to. About ten years back, I find myself in a Catholic elementary school surrounded by my 27 classmates. Scanning the room I find everyone dressed in uniform: girls in blue plaid jumpers and boys in blue pants and button up shirts. Here, I feel very sheltered from the outside world and all of the diversity that exists. A few years later, I am in a public high school in which my class consists of 375 students. Looking down the hallway, I see several cliques that stand out. You have the jocks, the book smarts, the punks, the people in the band, and such. Division is evident by the way people dress and act, but still this school is 98 percent white. Diversity is minimal and I am still being sheltered from things that students from other high schools experience frequently, such as fights, suicides, drugs, alcohol, shootings, etc.

Reflecting back maybe Penn State is a good choice. Breaking away from the small town, sheltered environment may be a good idea. I need a school that will better prepare me for the “real world”. I can still play volleyball, and if I work hard, I will receive a great education. Feeling better about my decision, maybe sleep will come easier tonight, the last one I will spend at home for some time…

“Beep, beep, beep!” my alarm sounded. It is nine o’clock in the morning, time to finish packing and leave. I feel refreshed and am ready to begin the next phase of my life. Change, here I come. [This is is a great conclusion]

[This is barely a narrative. I see what you are trying to do, but this really reads like an evaluation of your decision to attend university instead of any kind of actual story]