Singularity: English 15, Fall 2005 : LaurenSmithEvaluationArgument

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Most recent edit on 2005-11-13 00:40:47 by EschaTon

Additions:
An unforgettable day in history occurred on September 11, 2001. Four planes were hijacked and performed a series of suicide attacks against the United States. Two of which were crashed into the World Trade Centers, one into each of the two 110-story Twin Towers only about 18 minutes apart (wikipedia) [I have no idea what you are saying in this sentence]. Only moments after the collision, both towers collapsed, trapping and killing thousands of fireman and civilians that were inside. The third plane crashed into [T]he [P]entagon [this is a proper noun and needs to be capitalized], the U.S. department of Defense, located in Arlington County, Virginia. There was also yet another [a fourth] plane, plane number four, that crashed into a rural field in Somerset County, Pennsylvania. It was assumed that this plane was headed for Washington D.C. Although the last plane did not cause damage to a building, all the passengers onboard, perished. This event was on every television set throughout the country, leaving the nation in awe. They didn’t know how to react or what to do next but knew something had to be done. This tragic occurrence can be evaluated in terms of how the country responded. The actions of authorities determined the overall handling of the event. The main priorities were to rescue the victims of the Twin Towers and the Pentagon, to protect the rest of the people by shutting down airports and evacuating tall buildings, and publicly address the American people that the United States was under attack. I think that these immediate responses of [to] the attack on September 11th were handled well. Given the circumstances of such a surprise[ing] and unexpected situation, we were able to react efficiently and cautiously, keeping the people[']s needs and safety the prime concern.
The United States immediate reaction to his attack was to rescue the victims in the World Trade Centers and Pentagon but this was an event that effected all the citizens of the United Sates. Therefore, the next course of action was to protect and keep the rest of the nation safe. All airspace travel was closed, prohibiting anyone from going up in the air. I think that this was a good decision because the attack was through the use of hijacked planes and the possibility that it was planned to occur many more times throughout that day was very high. The United State[']s job was to prevent them from striking again. All towers in the nation were evacuated during the aftermath of the attacks. This was another good decision. Towers, very much like the twin towers in NYC, hold offices for thousands of people, [t]hey are tall structures, standing high in the air, making themselves an easy target from a planes point of view. [This is a badly written sentence and could easily be replaced by a much more focused summary] The hijackers chose to hit the [W]orld [T]rade [C]enters because they knew they could harm the most amount of people, destroy something that was very costly to build and ultimately effect an entire city. By evacuating all other tall, expensive, and highly populated buildings, it made them less attractive to target. The United States is a country that cares about its citizens and will put forth all effort when their safety and well being become threatened.
Nine days after the terrorist attack on the United States, president George W. Bush addressed a joint session of Congress and a nationwide television audience to explain the events of September 11th. This terrorist attack shocked and angered Americans. People wondered what the attacks meant , who ordered them, and how the United States would respond. In times of national crisis and trauma, people look to the president for meaning, reassurance, and action. It is the president[']s job and duty to inform the people. I think that this was very important and a successful way to handle the situation. The event left many people in chaos, but if an calm, authority figure reassures them [who's them in this sentence???] that something is being done, then they too will remain calm. It is especially important for those who lost loved ones in the tragedy because they are directly involved. They can be reassured that the death of their loved ones, along with 3,000 others, will be avenged (World Trade Center). Even though the attacks only occurred in three locations, they effected the United Sates as a whole. It was important to include everyone whose memories will forever be filled with this tragic event [what does this last sentence mean?].
The events of September 11th will always be remembered by every American in the United States [this is redundant ... are there Americans outside the United States?]. It was a day when the strongest country [i]n the world was attacked, causing a tragic loss of loved ones and the destruction [o]f two prominent buildings on New York City . It was a sudden and unexpected act that caught the [U].S. off guard but immediate actions had to be made [this repeats things you've already said ... and is badly written]. I thought the immediate response to the attack was handled very well . Rescuing the victims and informing the rest of the nation were important, but there was more that had to be done. President Bush wanted to avenge the 3,000 American who were murdered and dismount [dismantle] the network of terrorist that we know where responsible for it . His solution was to go to war with Iraq whom were thought to be the threat [again ... this sentence doesn't make complete sense] (9-11 Commission Report). This War on Terror causes much political debate on whether it was the right thing to do or not [tense agreement]. I think that it started out being directly related to the terrorist attack on the [U].S.[,] but it has gradually turned into something else. The purpose is moving farther and farther away from the original intent and into more problems and difficult situations [this is, yet again, an abysmally worded sentence]. Although, I feel a little differently toward the long term handling of the attacks on September 11th, I still believe that the immediate response was handled very well and greatly benefited the lives and safety of every citizen of the United States.
[The conclusion to this essay is horrendous. It indicates a complete lack of proofreading with errors ranging from the mundane to the heinous. Overall, the essay exhibits awkward sentence construction and grammar, but the last paragraph is just awful. That said, the rhetorical construction of the argument is quite good.]
Lauren Smith

Deletions:
An unforgettable day in history occurred on September 11, 2001. Four planes were hijacked and performed a series of suicide attacks against the United States. Two of which were crashed into the World Trade Centers, one into each of the two 110-story Twin Towers only about 18 minutes apart (wikipedia). Only moments after the collision, both towers collapsed, trapping and killing thousands of fireman and civilians that were inside. The third plane crashed into the pentagon, the U.S. department of Defense, located in Arlington County, Virginia. There was also yet another plane, plane number four, that crashed into a rural field in Somerset County, Pennsylvania. It was assumed that this plane was headed for Washington D.C. Although the last plane did not cause damage to a building, all the passengers on board, perished. This event was on every television set throughout the country, leaving the nation in awe. They didn’t know how to react or what to do next but knew something had to be done. This tragic occurrence can be evaluated in terms of how the country responded. The actions of authorities determined the overall handling of the event. The main priorities were to rescue the victims of the Twin Towers and the Pentagon, to protect the rest of the people by shutting down airports and evacuating tall buildings, and publicly address the American people that the United States was under attack. I think that these immediate responses of the attack on September 11th were handled well. Given the circumstances of such a surprise and unexpected situation, we were able to react efficiently and cautiously, keeping the peoples needs and safety the prime concern.
The United States immediate reaction to his attack was to rescue the victims in the World Trade Centers and Pentagon but this was an event that effected all the citizens of the United Sates. Therefore, the next course of action was to protect and keep the rest of the nation safe. All airspace travel was closed, prohibiting anyone from going up in the air. I think that this was a good decision because the attack was through the use of hijacked planes and the possibility that it was planned to occur many more times throughout that day was very high. The United States job was to prevent them from striking again. All towers in the nation were evacuated during the aftermath of the attacks. This was another good decision. Towers, very much like the twin towers in NYC, hold offices for thousands of people, They are tall structures, standing high in the air, making themselves an easy target from a planes point of view. The hijackers chose to hit the world trade centers because they knew they could harm the most amount of people, destroy something that was very costly to build and ultimately effect an entire city. By evacuating all other tall, expensive, and highly populated buildings, it made them less attractive to target. The United States is a country that cares about its citizens and will put forth all effort when their safety and well being become threatened.
Nine days after the terrorist attack on the United States, president George W. Bush addressed a joint session of Congress and a nationwide television audience to explain the events of September 11th. This terrorist attack shocked and angered Americans. People wondered what the attacks meant , who ordered them, and how the United States would respond. In times of national crisis and trauma, people look to the president for meaning, reassurance, and action. It is the presidents job and duty to inform the people. I think that this was very important and a successful way to handle the situation. The event left many people in chaos, but if an calm, authority figure reassures them that something is being done, then they too will remain calm. It is especially important for those who lost loved ones in the tragedy because they are directly involved. They can be reassured that the death of their loved ones, along with 3,000 others, will be avenged (World Trade Center). Even though the attacks only occurred in three locations, they effected the United Sates as a whole. It was important to include everyone whose memories will forever be filled with this tragic event.
The events of September 11th will always be remembered by every American in the United States. It was a day when the strongest country on the world was attacked, causing a tragic loss of loved ones and the destruction if two prominent buildings on New York City . It was a sudden and unexpected act that caught the O.S. off guard but immediate actions had to be made. I thought the immediate response to the attack was handled very well . Rescuing the victims and informing the rest of the nation were important, but there was more that had to be done. President Bush wanted to avenge the 3,000 American who were murdered and dismount the network of terrorist that we know where responsible for it . His solution was to go to war with Iraq whom were thought to be the threat (9-11 Commission Report). This War on Terror causes much political debate on whether it was the right thing to do or not. I think that it started out being directly related to the terrorist attack on the O.S. but it has gradually turned into something else. The purpose is moving farther and farther away from the original intent and into more problems and difficult situations. Although, I feel a little differently toward the long term handling of the attacks on September 11th, I still believe that the immediate response was handled very well and greatly benefited the lives and safety of every citizen of the United States.




Edited on 2005-11-04 09:24:26 by LaurenSmith

Additions:
Evaluation Argument
An unforgettable day in history occurred on September 11, 2001. Four planes were hijacked and performed a series of suicide attacks against the United States. Two of which were crashed into the World Trade Centers, one into each of the two 110-story Twin Towers only about 18 minutes apart (wikipedia). Only moments after the collision, both towers collapsed, trapping and killing thousands of fireman and civilians that were inside. The third plane crashed into the pentagon, the U.S. department of Defense, located in Arlington County, Virginia. There was also yet another plane, plane number four, that crashed into a rural field in Somerset County, Pennsylvania. It was assumed that this plane was headed for Washington D.C. Although the last plane did not cause damage to a building, all the passengers on board, perished. This event was on every television set throughout the country, leaving the nation in awe. They didn’t know how to react or what to do next but knew something had to be done. This tragic occurrence can be evaluated in terms of how the country responded. The actions of authorities determined the overall handling of the event. The main priorities were to rescue the victims of the Twin Towers and the Pentagon, to protect the rest of the people by shutting down airports and evacuating tall buildings, and publicly address the American people that the United States was under attack. I think that these immediate responses of the attack on September 11th were handled well. Given the circumstances of such a surprise and unexpected situation, we were able to react efficiently and cautiously, keeping the peoples needs and safety the prime concern.
The first and foremost priority following the September 11th attack, was to provide immediate aid and emergency assistance to the victims. There was an immediate response as the first plane hit the north tower of the World Trade Center. Every means of aid: police, firefighter, and rescue, fled to the scene. Some police and firefighters were needed to keep everyone on ground level organized, calm, and safe while others risked their own lives to help the civilians trapped above a fire caused by the collision. Much was happening at once and they were pressed for time before the buildings collapsed, trapping everyone inside. The rescue teams were courageous and brave but it was their duty and obligation to help people in need. Their immediate reaction was crucial for the lives of the innocent people inside. The casualty rate would have been much higher if it weren’t for the quick response and determination of the rescue teams. This aspect of the September 11th attack was handled very well and saved many lives that otherwise would have been lost.
The United States immediate reaction to his attack was to rescue the victims in the World Trade Centers and Pentagon but this was an event that effected all the citizens of the United Sates. Therefore, the next course of action was to protect and keep the rest of the nation safe. All airspace travel was closed, prohibiting anyone from going up in the air. I think that this was a good decision because the attack was through the use of hijacked planes and the possibility that it was planned to occur many more times throughout that day was very high. The United States job was to prevent them from striking again. All towers in the nation were evacuated during the aftermath of the attacks. This was another good decision. Towers, very much like the twin towers in NYC, hold offices for thousands of people, They are tall structures, standing high in the air, making themselves an easy target from a planes point of view. The hijackers chose to hit the world trade centers because they knew they could harm the most amount of people, destroy something that was very costly to build and ultimately effect an entire city. By evacuating all other tall, expensive, and highly populated buildings, it made them less attractive to target. The United States is a country that cares about its citizens and will put forth all effort when their safety and well being become threatened.
Nine days after the terrorist attack on the United States, president George W. Bush addressed a joint session of Congress and a nationwide television audience to explain the events of September 11th. This terrorist attack shocked and angered Americans. People wondered what the attacks meant , who ordered them, and how the United States would respond. In times of national crisis and trauma, people look to the president for meaning, reassurance, and action. It is the presidents job and duty to inform the people. I think that this was very important and a successful way to handle the situation. The event left many people in chaos, but if an calm, authority figure reassures them that something is being done, then they too will remain calm. It is especially important for those who lost loved ones in the tragedy because they are directly involved. They can be reassured that the death of their loved ones, along with 3,000 others, will be avenged (World Trade Center). Even though the attacks only occurred in three locations, they effected the United Sates as a whole. It was important to include everyone whose memories will forever be filled with this tragic event.
The events of September 11th will always be remembered by every American in the United States. It was a day when the strongest country on the world was attacked, causing a tragic loss of loved ones and the destruction if two prominent buildings on New York City . It was a sudden and unexpected act that caught the O.S. off guard but immediate actions had to be made. I thought the immediate response to the attack was handled very well . Rescuing the victims and informing the rest of the nation were important, but there was more that had to be done. President Bush wanted to avenge the 3,000 American who were murdered and dismount the network of terrorist that we know where responsible for it . His solution was to go to war with Iraq whom were thought to be the threat (9-11 Commission Report). This War on Terror causes much political debate on whether it was the right thing to do or not. I think that it started out being directly related to the terrorist attack on the O.S. but it has gradually turned into something else. The purpose is moving farther and farther away from the original intent and into more problems and difficult situations. Although, I feel a little differently toward the long term handling of the attacks on September 11th, I still believe that the immediate response was handled very well and greatly benefited the lives and safety of every citizen of the United States.
Works Cited
September 11, 2001 Attacks, Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia
World Trade Center Disaster
9-11 Commisions Report: Final Report of the National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States, Official Government Edition. Section 10: Wartime.
http://a257.g.akamaitech.net/7/257/2422/22jul20041130/www.gpoaccess.gov/911/pdf/sec10.pdf

Deletions:
Evaluation Argumant
A day to remember: September 11, 2001. Four planes were hijacked and performed a series of suicide attacks against the United States. Two were crashed into the World Trade Centers, one into each of the two 110-story Twin Towers only about 18 minutes apart. Shortly after which, both towers collapse, trapping and killing thousands of firmen and people that were inside. The third plane crashed into the pentagon, the US department of Defense, located in Arlington County, Virginia. There was also yet another plane, plane number four, that crashed into a rural field in Somerset Couty, Pennsylvania. It was assumed that this plane was headed for Washington D.C. Although the last plane did not cause damage to a building, all the passengers on board, perished. This event was on every TV set throughout the country. It left the American nation in awe, not knowing how to react or what to do next. Something had to be done, the United States was under attack. This tragic occurance can be evaluated in terms of the reactions and handeling of what the country did in response. Since we cannot turn back time, the safety of the rest of the citizens of the United States was first priority and there were two ways were the best way the United States knew how. A more immediate reaction of shutting down air travel nad evacuating all towers in the US , and a more long term solution of going to war with Iraq, the likely suspects of the attack.
The United States immediate reaction to his attack was to keep the rest of the country safe from any more harm that might come in the near future. Therefore all airspace travel was closed prohibiting anyone from going up in the air. This make sense because the atack was solely through the use of planes hijacked by anonymous people who simply blend into the crowd. The possibiiliity that it was planned to occur many more times throughout that day was very high. Our job was to prevent them from striking again. All towers in the United States were all evacuated during the aftermath of the attacks. This was another good decision. Towers, very much like the twin towers in NYC hold offices for thousands of people, They are very tall reaching high in the air, making itself an easy target. There was a reason why the hijackers chose to hit the world trade centers they could harm the most amount of people, destroy something that was very costly to build, ultimately effected the entire city. Knowing that this was one of their main goals, evacuating all other tall, expensive and highly populated buildings made it less attractive to target. The two immediate reactions mentioned above were well handled and ensured the safety of the other American citizens. Could more have been done that day? Its not a question of regrets because its in the past but what should be ask is how can this situation be handled after the fact?
September 11th was a day the United States was under a terrorist attack. As much that could have been done to ensure the safety of the American people, was done that day. What about the future protection of the country? President Bush thought that the best solution would be to avenge the 3,000 Americans who were murdered and dismanting the network of terrorists that we know were resposible for it. Evidence shows that this was not a random act. Much investigation was conducted and one name continually appeared: Osama Bin Laden. In response, the United States declared a war against him and his terrorist network in Iraq. President Bush wanted to preemptively attack whomsoever he may deem represent a potential future threat to the nation. Was the War on Terror the right way to respond? This question poses much heated, political debate which can be fought to the death. Whether it was a success or not has yet to reveal itself. The important point was that the United States reacted to show that they are a strong and unified nation that will act on any threat made to the people. This tragic event of a terrorist attack was handled such that others would know that the United States carea about its citizens and will not let down its gaurd in a war against those who hurt us.
After such an event as the attacks on September 11th, immediate decisions had to be made under much shock and [ ] on how to handel such a situation. (im sorry i just stopped but im not really sure on where im headed for this)




Edited on 2005-11-02 10:33:18 by LaurenSmith

Additions:
September 11th was a day the United States was under a terrorist attack. As much that could have been done to ensure the safety of the American people, was done that day. What about the future protection of the country? President Bush thought that the best solution would be to avenge the 3,000 Americans who were murdered and dismanting the network of terrorists that we know were resposible for it. Evidence shows that this was not a random act. Much investigation was conducted and one name continually appeared: Osama Bin Laden. In response, the United States declared a war against him and his terrorist network in Iraq. President Bush wanted to preemptively attack whomsoever he may deem represent a potential future threat to the nation. Was the War on Terror the right way to respond? This question poses much heated, political debate which can be fought to the death. Whether it was a success or not has yet to reveal itself. The important point was that the United States reacted to show that they are a strong and unified nation that will act on any threat made to the people. This tragic event of a terrorist attack was handled such that others would know that the United States carea about its citizens and will not let down its gaurd in a war against those who hurt us.
After such an event as the attacks on September 11th, immediate decisions had to be made under much shock and [ ] on how to handel such a situation. (im sorry i just stopped but im not really sure on where im headed for this)


Deletions:
September 11th was a day the United States was under a terrorist attack. As much that could have been done to ensure the safety of the American people, was done that day. What about the future protection of the country? President Bush thought that the best solution would be to avenge the 3,000 Americans who were murdered and dismanting the network of terrorists that we know were resposible for it. Evidence shows that this was not a random act. Much investigation was conductedand the same name continually appeared: Osama Bin Laden. In response, the United States declared a war against him and his terrorist network in Iraq. President Bush wanted to preemptively attack whomsoever he may deem represent a potential future threat to the nation. Was the War on Terror the right way to respond? This question poses much heated, political debate which can be fought to the death. Whether it was a success or not has yet to reveal itself.



Oldest known version of this page was edited on 2005-11-01 22:40:09 by LaurenSmith []
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Lauren Smith
Evaluation Argumant
9/11

A day to remember: September 11, 2001. Four planes were hijacked and performed a series of suicide attacks against the United States. Two were crashed into the World Trade Centers, one into each of the two 110-story Twin Towers only about 18 minutes apart. Shortly after which, both towers collapse, trapping and killing thousands of firmen and people that were inside. The third plane crashed into the pentagon, the US department of Defense, located in Arlington County, Virginia. There was also yet another plane, plane number four, that crashed into a rural field in Somerset Couty, Pennsylvania. It was assumed that this plane was headed for Washington D.C. Although the last plane did not cause damage to a building, all the passengers on board, perished. This event was on every TV set throughout the country. It left the American nation in awe, not knowing how to react or what to do next. Something had to be done, the United States was under attack. This tragic occurance can be evaluated in terms of the reactions and handeling of what the country did in response. Since we cannot turn back time, the safety of the rest of the citizens of the United States was first priority and there were two ways were the best way the United States knew how. A more immediate reaction of shutting down air travel nad evacuating all towers in the US , and a more long term solution of going to war with Iraq, the likely suspects of the attack.
The United States immediate reaction to his attack was to keep the rest of the country safe from any more harm that might come in the near future. Therefore all airspace travel was closed prohibiting anyone from going up in the air. This make sense because the atack was solely through the use of planes hijacked by anonymous people who simply blend into the crowd. The possibiiliity that it was planned to occur many more times throughout that day was very high. Our job was to prevent them from striking again. All towers in the United States were all evacuated during the aftermath of the attacks. This was another good decision. Towers, very much like the twin towers in NYC hold offices for thousands of people, They are very tall reaching high in the air, making itself an easy target. There was a reason why the hijackers chose to hit the world trade centers they could harm the most amount of people, destroy something that was very costly to build, ultimately effected the entire city. Knowing that this was one of their main goals, evacuating all other tall, expensive and highly populated buildings made it less attractive to target. The two immediate reactions mentioned above were well handled and ensured the safety of the other American citizens. Could more have been done that day? Its not a question of regrets because its in the past but what should be ask is how can this situation be handled after the fact?
September 11th was a day the United States was under a terrorist attack. As much that could have been done to ensure the safety of the American people, was done that day. What about the future protection of the country? President Bush thought that the best solution would be to avenge the 3,000 Americans who were murdered and dismanting the network of terrorists that we know were resposible for it. Evidence shows that this was not a random act. Much investigation was conductedand the same name continually appeared: Osama Bin Laden. In response, the United States declared a war against him and his terrorist network in Iraq. President Bush wanted to preemptively attack whomsoever he may deem represent a potential future threat to the nation. Was the War on Terror the right way to respond? This question poses much heated, political debate which can be fought to the death. Whether it was a success or not has yet to reveal itself.
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