Most recent edit on 2005-09-17 22:55:32 by EschaTon
Additions:
A pillow case full of candy in one hand, my flash light and a half open snickers bar in the other, and a young little girl in disguise as a cheerleader was the scene as I walked down the street that late October night. Halloween has always been my favorite holiday and I remember I had been waiting for this particular one for what seemed like an eternity to my juvenile days [this is confusing. "juvenile mind" might be the phrase you want]. My perfectly pressed Penn State Cheerleader uniform had been lying on my bed just begging to be worn for countless weeks and it was finally time to show it off. So what if I was only seven years old[?] I had always dreamt of going to school at Penn State University.
Cut to 11 years later, “What do you want to be when you grow up? What are you going to do with the rest of your life? Don’t you have a plan?” These questions were all too familiar to me in the second half of my high school career. After my sophomore year I was all of a sudden, without warning, flung into a world of inquisitions no one had prepared me for. And [U]nfortunately, I had no answer, or[,at least,] nothing with enough detail that seemed to please anyone.
Coming from a long line of Penn State alumni, this university seemed like the only logical choice to me, or my parents. Ever since I was a little girl, Penn State was a part of my childhood upbringing. Going to the football games, Arts Fest, and as I got older coming out to visit my cousins were all a part of my family. We all shared the deep hatred for Notre Dame and Ohio State football teams, and would gather together on Thanksgiving after the feast to yell and scream as our team fought. There were so many appealing aspects of the tight knit Penn State community that I became introduced to fascinated at a very young age. Was I under some Nittany Lion spell, which completely entranced my entire view of collegiate options?
This is how it seemed, like I had already had my future laid out before me, when in the back of my mind I knew there were many other alternatives out there. In light of this, I decided to fight the ignorance and began to explore the university scene. After countless, redundant college visits and campus tours, I found myself not only bored out of my mind but absolutely exhausted. Nothing seemed to catch my eye or keep me interested for longer than a half hour. Everything appeared the same with nothing extra special that seemed to tip it over the edge of normality. That’s when a little voice in my head told me that I knew where I should be going to school all along[:] Penn State.
This brings us back to another cool autumn day[,] like that of my first memorable Halloween. The mailman couldn’t have delivered our mail any sooner, the anticipation was killing me. But [L]ittle did I know, within moments I would finally realize [the] dream I had been working so relentless[ly] to accomplish. My future for the next four years was on the other side of that thin adhesive protection. I’ll never forget tearing into that package and realizing the huge ‘Congratulations’ title was all for me. Such a sensation of relief and excitement instantly came over me and I knew I could now sit back, relax and just await my arrival day.
So I guess the [family] tradition continues. I went from being so certain, to straddling the fence, to back on my path to Penn State. I can already tell so far that I have made the right decision, and I know that through these four years I will get much more out of this experience than just a great education. Penn State is something that carries on with you for the rest of your life, and you even bleed blue and white[,] as they say. My journey from a young naïve seven year old collecting candy and just thrilled to wear a cheerleading outfit has turned into a determined young adult so excited to embark on her future.
[This is only losely a narrative, but I see what you are trying to do. That said, there are some mistakes that indicate only cursory proofreading and a lack of clear choices being made.]
Deletions:
A pillow case full of candy in one hand, my flash light and a half open snickers bar in the other, and a young little girl in disguise as a cheerleader was the scene as I walked down the street that late October night. Halloween has always been my favorite holiday and I remember I had been waiting for this particular one for what seemed like an eternity to my juvenile days. My perfectly pressed Penn State Cheerleader uniform had been lying on my bed just begging to be worn for countless weeks and it was finally time to show it off. So what if I was only seven years old, I had always dreamt of going to school at Penn State University.
Cut to 11 years later, “What do you want to be when you grow up? What are you going to do with the rest of your life? Don’t you have a plan?” These questions were all too familiar to me in the second half of my high school career. After my sophomore year I was all of a sudden, without warning, flung into a world of inquisitions no one had prepared me for. And unfortunately, I had no answer, or nothing with enough detail that seemed to please anyone.
Coming from a long line of Penn State alumni, this university seemed like the only logical choice to me, or my parents. Ever since I was a little girl, Penn State was a part of my childhood upbringing. Going to the football games, Arts Fest, and as I got older coming out to visit my cousins were all a part of my family. We all shared the deep hatred for Notre Dame and Ohio State football teams, and would gather together on Thanksgiving after the feast to yell and scream as our team fought. There were so many appealing aspects of the tight knit Penn State community that I became introduced to fascinated at a very young age. Was I under some Nittany Lion spell, which completely entranced my entire view of collegiate options?
This is how it seemed, like I had already had my future laid out before me, when in the back of my mind I knew there were many other alternatives out there. In light of this, I decided to fight the ignorance and began to explore the university scene. After countless, redundant college visits and campus tours, I found myself not only bored out of my mind but absolutely exhausted. Nothing seemed to catch my eye or keep me interested for longer than a half hour. Everything appeared the same with nothing extra special that seemed to tip it over the edge of normality. That’s when a little voice in my head told me that I knew where I should be going to school all along, Penn State.
This brings us back to another cool autumn day like that of my first memorable Halloween. The mailman couldn’t have delivered our mail any sooner, the anticipation was killing me. But little did I know, within moments I would finally realize my dream I had been working so relentless to accomplish. My future for the next four years was on the other side of that thin adhesive protection. I’ll never forget tearing into that package and realizing the huge ‘Congratulations’ title was all for me. Such a sensation of relief and excitement instantly came over me and I knew I could now sit back, relax and just await my arrival day.
So I guess the tradition continues. I went from being so certain, to straddling the fence, to back on my path to Penn State. I can already tell so far that I have made the right decision, and I know that through these four years I will get much more out of this experience than just a great education. Penn State is something that carries on with you for the rest of your life, and you even bleed blue and white as they say. My journey from a young naïve seven year old collecting candy and just thrilled to wear a cheerleading outfit has turned into a determined young adult so excited to embark on her future.
Edited on 2005-09-11 10:39:24 by MelissaMalski
Additions:
Perfect ringlets, sparkling eyes, and snug uniforms. This was the scene as I surveyed my squad of fifteen shining cheerleaders. We had a roller-coaster journey through the season and had finally found ourselves, anxious and anticipating the judges to call our name. Not to sound like the stereotypical cheerleader straight out of "Bring it On", but this very moment was what we had be working relentlessly all year to achieve. Finally within moments, we were about to show the audience all of our hard work, and for many of us it would be our final performance.
"And next we have the Abington Heights Comets Cheerleaders!" These words seemed to echo in my head as we marched in a uniform formation onto the center of the court. With each step I could feel my heart beat faster, and my every muscle begin to tense up. Incesintly, losing control, I kept running through the entire rountine including every step over and over again in my mind. "Don't blank out, you've done this a million times, you'll be fine." I tried to gain composure and relax, but the countless gazing eyes all focused on me kept this from happening. The nervousness and feeling of butterflies in my stomach was gradually taking over my body as I reached my place on the floor.
Looking around the court, I recognized the fourteen girls who I had shared so many experiences with on our journey. We had finally made it, and knowing I had their support and shared their same anxieties helped me diminish my own tension. I then realized it didn't matter who's pyramid stuck and who's didn't, who's dance moves were better, or who wins or loses. What mattered was that our squad had worked so hard to get to where we were standing at that very moment, and these girls were some of the greatest people I would ever meet. I took one final glance around the packed crowd and my last deep breath. One more blink, and then I heard the dreaded words, "your music is on."
Deletions:
Perfect ringlets, sparkling eyes, and sung uniforms. This was the scene as I surveyed my squad of fifteen shining cheerleaders. We had a roller-coaster journey through the season and had finally found ourselves, anxious and anticipating the judges to call our name. Not to sound like a cheesy stereotypical cheerleader straight out of "Bring it On", but this very moment was what we had be working relentlessly all year to achieve. Finally within moments, we were about to show the audience all of our hard work, for many of us it would be our final performance.
"And next we have the Abington Heights Comets Cheerleaders!" These words seemed to echo in my head as we marched in a uniform formation onto the center of the court. With each step I could feel my heart beat faster, and my every muscle begin to tense up. Incesintly, without control, I kept running through the entire rountine including every step over and over again in my mind. "Don't blank out, you've done this a million times, you'll be fine." I tried to gain composure and relax, but the countless gazing eyes all focused on me kept me from doing so. The nervousness and feeling of butterflies in my stomach was gradually taking over my body as I reached my place on the floor.
Looking around the court, I recognized the fourteen girls who I had shared so many experiences with on our journey. We had finally made it, and knowing I had their support and shared their same anxieties helped me diminish my tension. I then realized it didn't matter who's pyramid stuck and who's didn't, who's dance moves were better, or who wins or loses. What mattered was that our squad had worked so hard to get to where we were standing at that very moment, and these girls were some of the greatest people I would ever meet. I took one last glance around the packed crowd and my last deep breath. One more blink and then I heard the final words, "your music is on."
Edited on 2005-09-11 10:30:43 by MelissaMalski
Additions:
Looking around the court, I recognized the fourteen girls who I had shared so many experiences with on our journey. We had finally made it, and knowing I had their support and shared their same anxieties helped me diminish my tension. I then realized it didn't matter who's pyramid stuck and who's didn't, who's dance moves were better, or who wins or loses. What mattered was that our squad had worked so hard to get to where we were standing at that very moment, and these girls were some of the greatest people I would ever meet. I took one last glance around the packed crowd and my last deep breath. One more blink and then I heard the final words, "your music is on."
Deletions:
Looking around the court, I recognized the fourteen girls who I had shared so many experiences with on our journey. We had finally made it, and knowing I had their support and shared their same anxieties helped me diminish my tension. I then realized it didn't matter who's pyramid stuck and who's didn't, who's dance moves were better, or who wins or loses. What mattered was that our squad had worked so hard to get to where we were standing at that very moment, and these girls were some of the greatest people I would ever meet. I took one last glance around the packed crowd and my last deep breath.
Edited on 2005-09-10 22:12:20 by MelissaMalski
Additions:
Looking around the court, I recognized the fourteen girls who I had shared so many experiences with on our journey. We had finally made it, and knowing I had their support and shared their same anxieties helped me diminish my tension. I then realized it didn't matter who's pyramid stuck and who's didn't, who's dance moves were better, or who wins or loses. What mattered was that our squad had worked so hard to get to where we were standing at that very moment, and these girls were some of the greatest people I would ever meet. I took one last glance around the packed crowd and my last deep breath.
Deletions:
Looking around the court, I recognized the fourteen girls who I had shared so many experiences with on our journey. We had finally made it, and knowing I had their support and shared their same anxieties helped me diminish my tension.
Edited on 2005-09-10 22:04:15 by MelissaMalski
Additions:
Perfect ringlets, sparkling eyes, and sung uniforms. This was the scene as I surveyed my squad of fifteen shining cheerleaders. We had a roller-coaster journey through the season and had finally found ourselves, anxious and anticipating the judges to call our name. Not to sound like a cheesy stereotypical cheerleader straight out of "Bring it On", but this very moment was what we had be working relentlessly all year to achieve. Finally within moments, we were about to show the audience all of our hard work, for many of us it would be our final performance.
"And next we have the Abington Heights Comets Cheerleaders!" These words seemed to echo in my head as we marched in a uniform formation onto the center of the court. With each step I could feel my heart beat faster, and my every muscle begin to tense up. Incesintly, without control, I kept running through the entire rountine including every step over and over again in my mind. "Don't blank out, you've done this a million times, you'll be fine." I tried to gain composure and relax, but the countless gazing eyes all focused on me kept me from doing so. The nervousness and feeling of butterflies in my stomach was gradually taking over my body as I reached my place on the floor.
Looking around the court, I recognized the fourteen girls who I had shared so many experiences with on our journey. We had finally made it, and knowing I had their support and shared their same anxieties helped me diminish my tension.
Deletions:
Perfect ringlets, sparkling eyes, and sung uniforms. This was the scene as I surveyed my squad of fifteen shining cheerleaders. We had a roller-coaster journey through the season and had finally found ourselves, anxious and anticipating the judges to call our name. Not to sound like a cheesy stereotypical cheerleader straight out of "Bring it On", but this very moment was what we had be working relentlessly all year to achieve.
Edited on 2005-09-09 18:16:17 by MelissaMalski
Additions:
9/9/05 Sprint5SelfNarrative Remix
Perfect ringlets, sparkling eyes, and sung uniforms. This was the scene as I surveyed my squad of fifteen shining cheerleaders. We had a roller-coaster journey through the season and had finally found ourselves, anxious and anticipating the judges to call our name. Not to sound like a cheesy stereotypical cheerleader straight out of "Bring it On", but this very moment was what we had be working relentlessly all year to achieve.
Edited on 2005-09-07 23:12:14 by MelissaMalski
Additions:
This is how it seemed, like I had already had my future laid out before me, when in the back of my mind I knew there were many other alternatives out there. In light of this, I decided to fight the ignorance and began to explore the university scene. After countless, redundant college visits and campus tours, I found myself not only bored out of my mind but absolutely exhausted. Nothing seemed to catch my eye or keep me interested for longer than a half hour. Everything appeared the same with nothing extra special that seemed to tip it over the edge of normality. That’s when a little voice in my head told me that I knew where I should be going to school all along, Penn State.
This brings us back to another cool autumn day like that of my first memorable Halloween. The mailman couldn’t have delivered our mail any sooner, the anticipation was killing me. But little did I know, within moments I would finally realize my dream I had been working so relentless to accomplish. My future for the next four years was on the other side of that thin adhesive protection. I’ll never forget tearing into that package and realizing the huge ‘Congratulations’ title was all for me. Such a sensation of relief and excitement instantly came over me and I knew I could now sit back, relax and just await my arrival day.
So I guess the tradition continues. I went from being so certain, to straddling the fence, to back on my path to Penn State. I can already tell so far that I have made the right decision, and I know that through these four years I will get much more out of this experience than just a great education. Penn State is something that carries on with you for the rest of your life, and you even bleed blue and white as they say. My journey from a young naïve seven year old collecting candy and just thrilled to wear a cheerleading outfit has turned into a determined young adult so excited to embark on her future.
Deletions:
This is how it seemed, like I had already had my future laid out before me, when in the back of my mind I knew there were many other alternatives out there. In light of this, I decided to fight the ignorance and began to explore the university scene. After countless, redundant college visits and campus tours, I found myself not only bored out of my mind but absolutely exhausted. Nothing seemed to catch my eye or keep me interested for longer than a half hour. Everything appeared the same with nothing extra special that seemed to tip it over the edge of normality. That’s when a little voice in my head told me that I knew where I should be going to school all along, Penn State.
This brings us back to another cool autumn day like that of my first memorable Halloween. The mailman couldn’t have delivered our mail any sooner, the anticipation was killing me. But little did I know, within moments I would finally realize my dream I had been working so relentless to accomplish. My future for the next four years was on the other side of that thin adhesive protection. I’ll never forget tearing into that package and realizing the huge ‘Congratulations’ title was all for me. Such a sensation of relief and excitement instantly came over me and I knew I could now sit back, relax and just await my arrival day.
So I guess the tradition continues. I went from being so certain, to straddling the fence, to back on my path to Penn State. I can already tell so far that I have made the right decision, and I know that through these four years I will get much more out of this experience than just a great education. Penn State is something that carries on with you for the rest of your life, and you even bleed blue and white as they say. My journey from a young naïve seven year old collecting candy and just thrilled to wear a cheerleading outfit has turned into a determined young adult so excited to embark on her future.
Oldest known version of this page was edited on 2005-09-07 23:11:33 by MelissaMalski []
Page view:
9/5/05 Self Narrative
A pillow case full of candy in one hand, my flash light and a half open snickers bar in the other, and a young little girl in disguise as a cheerleader was the scene as I walked down the street that late October night. Halloween has always been my favorite holiday and I remember I had been waiting for this particular one for what seemed like an eternity to my juvenile days. My perfectly pressed Penn State Cheerleader uniform had been lying on my bed just begging to be worn for countless weeks and it was finally time to show it off. So what if I was only seven years old, I had always dreamt of going to school at Penn State University.
Cut to 11 years later, “What do you want to be when you grow up? What are you going to do with the rest of your life? Don’t you have a plan?” These questions were all too familiar to me in the second half of my high school career. After my sophomore year I was all of a sudden, without warning, flung into a world of inquisitions no one had prepared me for. And unfortunately, I had no answer, or nothing with enough detail that seemed to please anyone.
Coming from a long line of Penn State alumni, this university seemed like the only logical choice to me, or my parents. Ever since I was a little girl, Penn State was a part of my childhood upbringing. Going to the football games, Arts Fest, and as I got older coming out to visit my cousins were all a part of my family. We all shared the deep hatred for Notre Dame and Ohio State football teams, and would gather together on Thanksgiving after the feast to yell and scream as our team fought. There were so many appealing aspects of the tight knit Penn State community that I became introduced to fascinated at a very young age. Was I under some Nittany Lion spell, which completely entranced my entire view of collegiate options?
This is how it seemed, like I had already had my future laid out before me, when in the back of my mind I knew there were many other alternatives out there. In light of this, I decided to fight the ignorance and began to explore the university scene. After countless, redundant college visits and campus tours, I found myself not only bored out of my mind but absolutely exhausted. Nothing seemed to catch my eye or keep me interested for longer than a half hour. Everything appeared the same with nothing extra special that seemed to tip it over the edge of normality. That’s when a little voice in my head told me that I knew where I should be going to school all along, Penn State.
This brings us back to another cool autumn day like that of my first memorable Halloween. The mailman couldn’t have delivered our mail any sooner, the anticipation was killing me. But little did I know, within moments I would finally realize my dream I had been working so relentless to accomplish. My future for the next four years was on the other side of that thin adhesive protection. I’ll never forget tearing into that package and realizing the huge ‘Congratulations’ title was all for me. Such a sensation of relief and excitement instantly came over me and I knew I could now sit back, relax and just await my arrival day.
So I guess the tradition continues. I went from being so certain, to straddling the fence, to back on my path to Penn State. I can already tell so far that I have made the right decision, and I know that through these four years I will get much more out of this experience than just a great education. Penn State is something that carries on with you for the rest of your life, and you even bleed blue and white as they say. My journey from a young naïve seven year old collecting candy and just thrilled to wear a cheerleading outfit has turned into a determined young adult so excited to embark on her future.