Self-Narrative
Due 9/9/05

The ball was not round anymore. It was a different color too, and sat up on a tee. I was coated in armor like a knight, with a heavy helmet strapped tight on my head and the facemask blocking every good view I attempted to find by turning my head. Instead of shooting the ball into a goal, I know now had to kick the ball through uprights that began at the crossbar of the soccer goal.

[You need a better transition from this paragraph to the next one. Something like "I came to find myself in this strange new world because ... " or something]

The day before soccer tryouts of my junior year, an opportunity arose out of nowhere that would change my life forever. I logged onto AOL Instant Messenger the night before tryouts and the captain of the football team told me that the team needed a kicker. I was stunned. I devoted that entire summer to soccer, attending numerous camps and conditioning practices, but I had always wanted to play football and here was my chance. He told me the details, and I decided to try kicking the next day after soccer tryouts.

Soccer tryouts did not go too swiftly. Aside from our team showing little improvement from the previous year, it appeared to be another losing season—I also had bruised toenails that were ready to fall off in [as a] result from [of] conditioning camp. It seemed like forever until the tryout ended, and I walked down to the football field nervously. Out of the corner of my eye[,] I saw my soccer coach’s truck drive by me and he was giving me a funny look. I had not told him previously that I wanted to try kicking, and I was scared without knowing what to say or do. In my hands I held a football tee and I was frozen in my tracks. My coach, responding to my frightened look, said surprised, “well, I didn’t expect this, but you have to pick a sport, football or soccer.” I told him that I just wanted to try kicking to see if I was any good, so we walked together down to the field. With every step, the butterflies in my stomach increased and the thought of a worn out soccer-leg from tryouts haunted me.

As we approached the football team, a few of my friends were stunned that a possible kicker arrived because they had no one else to do the kicking duties. At first, I tried a few kickoffs, which caught the coach’s eye. These kicks made the coach excited and we jogged over to the field goal posts to test my placekicking abilities. Next, I made about [After making] five field goals when[,] the head coach offered me the spot quickly. I could see my soccer coach glaring at me and I did not know what to do. The special team’s coach, Mr. Kraus, who had coached my JV baseball team the previous spring, [this is superfluous] [approached me] and [put his arm around me] and [asked me] the hardest question I’ve ever had to answer [this is repititious all the "asked me," etc]. Coach Kraus asked, “Mike, do you want to play football?” Of course, the answer was “yes,” and [but] I told the coaches I would have to talk to my parents about the whole idea. This made me nervous also because my mother never liked the idea of me playing football because [due to the] she has seen many injuries that have occurred in the sport. As I left the football field, the coaches were ecstatic about finding a possible kicker and told me the next practice was at 7 a.m. the next morning, and to show up if I wanted to play [rep.].

When I got home that night, my mother was having a get-together, so I used this [her good mood] to my advantage because she was in a good mood. I hesitated before asking her if I could play, but she had no problem at all with it. [When I asked, S]he told me to follow my heart and do what I truly wanted to do. I knew the football team had a lot more potential for success than the soccer team, so I chose to play football.

I woke up with the sunrise that Saturday morning to attend the early football practice. The coaches jumped out of their seats with excitement and took me to find my pads. They were happy that not only did they have a kicker, but[,] also[,] [that] I was only a junior at the time so they figured they would have me for two years. I earned the position of place-kicker [(]kicking field goals and extra points[)] and kickoff duties. With each and every practice, my leg got stronger, and I improved with every kick. After about a week of practice, the head coach told me he wanted me to attend every practice rather than just coming a few times a week like ordinary kickers do. He told me this because he had heard from the other coaches that I was very athletic, and he wanted me to play receiver as well. As the season progressed, our team won the majority of our games, which made my love for football expand greatly. Our team made the State Semi-finals and broke almost every record in school history, finishing with a record of 11 wins and 2 losses. I scored fifty total points throughout the season, broke several kicking records, and received interest letters from various colleges.

This football experience taught me to always take advantage of the [any] opportunities that arise because I never know the successes that may follow. I won numerous awards my senior year and faced a hard decision of whether or not to go to college to play football or to come to Penn State. Obviously, I picked Penn State, but I will always carry this lesson with me in life.

[You need to watch out for repititious language and tension management in your paragraphs, but your writing does show moments of real brilliance]