Most recent edit on 2005-10-29 23:57:56 by EschaTon
Additions:
College is a new beginning for many kids leaving high school in hopes of becoming an independent adult. During this journey, one meets many new people who will accompany them and either help or hinder student’s experiences. Perhaps the most important person during this journey is a roommate. When choosing my roommate, I had to decide whether I would pick someone that I already knew or have a random person assigned to me. After thinking it over, why did I decide to pick someone whom I already knew? Why did I think that picking my friend Carla to be my roommate was a good idea? This was due to the situations I encountered with her and realized [that led me to realize] that she is someone who I could actually live with.
This all began when I found out I had gotten into [been accepted to; this is the more "proper" way of making this statement] Penn State. Once that whole period of being extremely happy about getting into a school passed, it was time to finally decide on how I was going to get situated. I decided that I needed to think about what I wanted to do about my roommate situation. I had some good friends in mind that I knew were going to Penn State, but one person was stuck in my head. My friend Carla was deciding between going to Temple or Penn State. I tried to convince her of how much better a school Penn State was compared to Temple and how much fun we would have if we both went. Carla and I go way back. We went to junior high together but I did not get the chance to know her until ninth grade when we had a class together. After ninth grade, the next time we had a class together was our senior year of high school. We got lucky and had two classes together. We both got along with each other [this is redundant][,] and we clicked once again, just like in ninth grade. The only thing holding us back was her final decision of either going to Temple or Penn State. After talking about going to Penn State and how it would be like to room with each other [this phrase isn't wrong, but it is confusing], Carla finally made her decision. She decided to go to Penn State and to room with me. I was so happy because I knew that things from there on were going to go as planned.
Why would Carla and I decide to room with each other? The reason it happened was because we have so many things in common. It is said that “birds of a feather flock together,” and it seems to be true. People who have much more in common are more likely to get along and fight less. We share interests in music, sports, TV shows, and clothing (which we share). I knew that I really didn’t want to room with someone I did not know because in the back of my mind, I knew I had to build up some sort of trust with this new person. If I chose to do random assignment, I would have definitely tried to meet my roommate before we actually came to Penn State. I do not mind meeting new people but the fact that I would have to trust a total stranger in [a] matter of weeks was not what I planned. I like the fact that I can trust my roommate and I feel comfortable with her. We do not have to break through an awkward barrier of trying to get to know each other before we can [could] have some fun. If we did not get along, that could have been a big problem. I have met some people who wish they had a different roommate and do not know what to do. A big reason why I think it has not happened with Carla and me is because if there is anything wrong, I know I can talk it through with her. One girl I talked to does not feel comfortable talking to her roommate because she does not know her well enough. I knew that I would not worry about Carla and me [you want to use "I" in this situation] hating each other or worry[ing] about how we were going to survive the next week without killing each other. I knew with Carla that there would never be a dull and boring moment because together we can become very creative and come up with some new ideas or[of] things to do. That is basically why I chose Carla to be my roommate, why I actually went through with my decision.
There are things that can be learned with each decision you make or event that happens [this is pretty cliche]. The reason why I chose Carla, someone I knew[,] to be my roommate, was all due to the experiences and situations I went through with her. When Carla became my roommate, I ended up learning something new;[:] a new way to see myself [this is very cliche]. I learned that I really value trust and comfort from my decision on my roommate situation. Overall, I am glad with my roommate and the reason why I chose her and what I went through in making my decision [this is a run-on]. It was a smart decision on my part and I we [did you proofread this at all?] will be rooming with each other in the years to come at Penn State.
[This paper seems to indicate a complete lack of revision. There are obvious typoes throughout the essay. Also, the conclusion is a giant assemblage of cliches. Not that cliches are necessarily bad, but they are so over employed in discourse that they lose any affect they might have once possessed. That said, this paper was well-reasoned (just poorly written)]
Deletions:
College is a new beginning for many kids leaving high school in hopes of becoming an independent adult. During this journey, one meets many new people who will accompany them and either help or hinder student’s experiences. Perhaps the most important person during this journey is a roommate. When choosing my roommate, I had to decide whether I would pick someone that I already knew or have a random person assigned to me. After thinking it over, why did I decide to pick someone whom I already knew? Why did I think that picking my friend Carla to be my roommate was a good idea? This was due to the situations I encountered with her and realized that she is someone who I could actually live with.
This all began when I found out I had gotten into Penn State. Once that whole period of being extremely happy about getting into a school passed, it was time to finally decide on how I was going to get situated. I decided that I needed to think about what I wanted to do about my roommate situation. I had some good friends in mind that I knew were going to Penn State, but one person was stuck in my head. My friend Carla was deciding between going to Temple or Penn State. I tried to convince her of how much better a school Penn State was compared to Temple and how much fun we would have if we both went. Carla and I go way back. We went to junior high together but I did not get the chance to know her until ninth grade when we had a class together. After ninth grade, the next time we had a class together was our senior year of high school. We got lucky and had two classes together. We both got along with each other and we clicked once again, just like in ninth grade. The only thing holding us back was her final decision of either going to Temple or Penn State. After talking about going to Penn State and how it would be like to room with each other, Carla finally made her decision. She decided to go to Penn State and to room with me. I was so happy because I knew that things from there on were going to go as planned.
Why would Carla and I decide to room with each other? The reason it happened was because we have so many things in common. It is said that “birds of a feather flock together,” and it seems to be true. People who have much more in common are more likely to get along and fight less. We share interests in music, sports, TV shows, and clothing (which we share). I knew that I really didn’t want to room with someone I did not know because in the back of my mind, I knew I had to build up some sort of trust with this new person. If I chose to do random assignment, I would have definitely tried to meet my roommate before we actually came to Penn State. I do not mind meeting new people but the fact that I would have to trust a total stranger in matter of weeks was not what I planned. I like the fact that I can trust my roommate and I feel comfortable with her. We do not have to break through an awkward barrier of trying to get to know each other before we can have some fun. If we did not get along, that could have been a big problem. I have met some people who wish they had a different roommate and do not know what to do. A big reason why I think it has not happened with Carla and me is because if there is anything wrong, I know I can talk it through with her. One girl I talked to does not feel comfortable talking to her roommate because she does not know her well enough. I knew that I would not worry about Carla and me hating each other or worry about how we were going to survive the next week without killing each other. I knew with Carla that there would never be a dull and boring moment because together we can become very creative and come up with some new ideas or things to do. That is basically why I chose Carla to be my roommate, why I actually went through with my decision.
There are things that can be learned with each decision you make or event that happens. The reason why I chose Carla, someone I knew to be my roommate, was all due to the experiences and situations I went through with her. When Carla became my roommate, I ended up learning something new; a new way to see myself. I learned that I really value trust and comfort from my decision on my roommate situation. Overall, I am glad with my roommate and the reason why I chose her and what I went through in making my decision. It was a smart decision on my part and I we will be rooming with each other in the years to come at Penn State.
Edited on 2005-10-29 23:47:29 by EschaTon
Additions:
College is a new beginning for many kids leaving high school in hopes of becoming an independent adult. During this journey, one meets many new people who will accompany them and either help or hinder student’s experiences. Perhaps the most important person during this journey is a roommate. When choosing my roommate, I had to decide whether I would pick someone that I already knew or have a random person assigned to me. After thinking it over, why did I decide to pick someone whom I already knew? Why did I think that picking my friend Carla to be my roommate was a good idea? This was due to the situations I encountered with her and realized that she is someone who I could actually live with.
This all began when I found out I had gotten into Penn State. Once that whole period of being extremely happy about getting into a school passed, it was time to finally decide on how I was going to get situated. I decided that I needed to think about what I wanted to do about my roommate situation. I had some good friends in mind that I knew were going to Penn State, but one person was stuck in my head. My friend Carla was deciding between going to Temple or Penn State. I tried to convince her of how much better a school Penn State was compared to Temple and how much fun we would have if we both went. Carla and I go way back. We went to junior high together but I did not get the chance to know her until ninth grade when we had a class together. After ninth grade, the next time we had a class together was our senior year of high school. We got lucky and had two classes together. We both got along with each other and we clicked once again, just like in ninth grade. The only thing holding us back was her final decision of either going to Temple or Penn State. After talking about going to Penn State and how it would be like to room with each other, Carla finally made her decision. She decided to go to Penn State and to room with me. I was so happy because I knew that things from there on were going to go as planned.
Why would Carla and I decide to room with each other? The reason it happened was because we have so many things in common. It is said that “birds of a feather flock together,” and it seems to be true. People who have much more in common are more likely to get along and fight less. We share interests in music, sports, TV shows, and clothing (which we share). I knew that I really didn’t want to room with someone I did not know because in the back of my mind, I knew I had to build up some sort of trust with this new person. If I chose to do random assignment, I would have definitely tried to meet my roommate before we actually came to Penn State. I do not mind meeting new people but the fact that I would have to trust a total stranger in matter of weeks was not what I planned. I like the fact that I can trust my roommate and I feel comfortable with her. We do not have to break through an awkward barrier of trying to get to know each other before we can have some fun. If we did not get along, that could have been a big problem. I have met some people who wish they had a different roommate and do not know what to do. A big reason why I think it has not happened with Carla and me is because if there is anything wrong, I know I can talk it through with her. One girl I talked to does not feel comfortable talking to her roommate because she does not know her well enough. I knew that I would not worry about Carla and me hating each other or worry about how we were going to survive the next week without killing each other. I knew with Carla that there would never be a dull and boring moment because together we can become very creative and come up with some new ideas or things to do. That is basically why I chose Carla to be my roommate, why I actually went through with my decision.
There are things that can be learned with each decision you make or event that happens. The reason why I chose Carla, someone I knew to be my roommate, was all due to the experiences and situations I went through with her. When Carla became my roommate, I ended up learning something new; a new way to see myself. I learned that I really value trust and comfort from my decision on my roommate situation. Overall, I am glad with my roommate and the reason why I chose her and what I went through in making my decision. It was a smart decision on my part and I we will be rooming with each other in the years to come at Penn State.
Oldest known version of this page was edited on 2005-10-18 22:41:22 by MonicaKras []
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Rough Draft
College is a new beginning for many kids leaving high school in hopes of becoming an independent adult. During this journey, one meets many new people who will accompany them and either help or hinder their experiences. Perhaps the most important person during this journey is your roommate. When choosing my roommate, I had to decide whether I would pick someone that I already knew or have a random person assigned to me. After thinking it over, why did I decide to pick someone whom I already knew? Why did I think that picking my friend Carla to be my roommate was a good idea? This was all due to all of the situations that I encountered with her, and by doing so I realized that she is someone whom I could actually live with.
This all began when I found out that I had gotten into Penn State. Once that whole period of being extremely happy about getting into a school passed, it was time to finally decide on how I was going to get situated. I decided that I needed to think about what I wanted to do about my roommate situation. I had a choice of either being randomly placed with someone I didn’t know or choosing a friend who I knew was going to Penn State. I had some good friends in mind that I knew were going to Penn State but one person was stuck in my head. My friend Carla was deciding between Temple and Penn State and once I found out, I tried to convince her of how much of a better school Penn State was compared to Temple. Carla and I had two classes together in our senior year of high school and before that we hadn’t had any classes together since the ninth grade. We both got along with each other and we clicked once again, just like in ninth grade. The only thing holding us back was her final decision of either going to Temple or Penn State. After talking about going to Penn State and how it would be like to room with each other, Carla finally made her decision. She decided to go to Penn State and to room with me. I was so happy because I knew that things from there on were going to go as planned.
Why would Carla and I decide to room with each other? I think the reason why is because we have so many things in common. It is said that “birds of a feather flock together”, and in this case it seems to be true. People who have a lot in common are more likely to get along and fight less. We share interests in music, sports, TV shows, and clothing (which we share). I knew that I really didn’t want to room with someone I didn’t know because in the back of my mind, I knew I had to build up some sort of trust with this new person. If I chose to do random assignment, I would have definitely tried to meet my roommate before we actually came to Penn State. I don’t mind meeting new people but the fact that I would have to trust a total stranger in a matter of weeks was not what I planned. I like the fact that I can trust my roommate and I feel comfortable with her. We don’t have to break through an awkward barrier of trying to get to know each other before we can have some fun. One of the problems that could have occurred is that we could have not gotten along with one another. I know some people who are unhappy with their roommate and don’t know what to do. The main reason why I think it hasn’t happened with Carla and I is because if there is anything wrong, I know I can talk it through with her. The one girl I know does not feel comfortable talking to her roommate because she doesn’t know her well enough. Basically, I knew that I wouldn’t have to worry about Carla and I hating each other and worrying about how we were going to survive the next week without killing each other. I knew with Carla that there would never be a dull and boring moment because together we can become very creative and come up with new ideas or things to do. That is basically why I chose Carla to be my roommate, why I actually went through with my decision.
There are things that can be learned with each decision you make or event that happens. The reason why I chose Carla, someone I knew would be a good choice for a roommate, was all due to the experiences and situations I went through with her. One of the things I learned from what caused Carla to be my roommate was a new way to see myself. One can learn about the way they think about certain things and how one solves problems. I learned that I really consider trust and comfort as big issues when deciding on my roommate situation. Overall, I am pleased with my roommate. I feel that I made the best possible decision. It was a smart decision on my part and we will be rooming with each other in the years to come at Penn State.