Peter Graham

Penn State’s Definition of Diversity

What is [d]iversity [Diversity is not a person, place, or thing. Therefore, it is not a proper noun], and how should an educational body such as Penn State define and use it? I think that a university should utilize the broad spectrum diversity covers to include different socio-ethnic, political, and educational groups and ideas. Wikipedia defines diversity as, “Amongst humans, particularly in a social context, the term diversity refers to [...] the presence in one population of a wide variety of cultures, opinions, ethnic groups, socio-economic backgrounds, and so on” (wikipedia) [Using quotes in an essay does not excuse your sentence from having to make sense]. I think we should use this definition is[in] this context because P.S.U. is nothing more then a collection of different person[s], but as an educational entity provide a diverse selection of classes [Okay, I have no idea what you are talking about. Did you proofread this paper?]. Diversity is important on a campus, and that is why the controversy and changes to the definition are so important. [what controversy? what changes?]

Ethnic diversity is important in schools because it allows different cultures to interact and share knowledge that someone may not have been able to obtain. For example, if some person grew up in another country where they had no rights, they might be able to share there experience with someone from this country, thus, giving mutual respect to the freedoms we have. This also encompasses different religious groups. The wide variety of religions on this campus allow for sheltered individuals to for their own values and beliefs they may not have been introduced to otherwise [again, this sentence does not make any sense]. Another important aspect is that different social groups, such as difference in economical levels allows people who might not have experienced the poverty level to interact with someone working two jobs just to cover tuition

[So far, this essay indicates one of two things: 1) a lack of proofreading or 2) a lack of understanding of how to properly present information in an essay format. If the latter is the case, see me in office hours and we can work on how to fix this paper and make it more readable].

This interaction teaches important lesson, such as to be grateful for what you have, and to think of things you can give to those less well off. I have found that the diversity in these cultural groups allows for a global learning and understanding. Especially education-abroad programs, which let you notice the habits/hardships that people go through around the world [this is not a sentence]. By the interactions this school supports[,] we create a diverse future following Malcolm X's words, “[e]ducation is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today” (Malcolm X). I think that this means Penn State is trying to create a diverse future by promoting ethical [is this word you want to use here?] diversity now. The university does this through keeping a diverse population of students. According to the Penn State 8,330 students, or 20%, in 2004 were from different ethnic groups or countries.

Diversity in the political spectrum is also important in Penn State’s definition. In the [From a] political standpoint[,] a democracy is run on majority rule with minority rights. The minority rights are the protections for those who don’t go along with the crowd. If everyone automatically agreed with the majority then there would be no diversity. [This introduction is perplexing ... I don't see how it relates to what you say next. Also, for future reference, our government is not democratic. A Republican form of government (which we have) means that the majority picks people to act in their best interest and these people make all the decisions. It's subtle, but not a pure democracy] However[,] many people do not agree with the majority and can’t[cannot; don't use contractions in academic writing. it's one of the few set in stone rules of the form] be discriminated under law. By Penn State’s diverse population people can display their thoughts opening the minds of others on important topics we face today. This campus’s stance on diversity allows people to gain in knowledge and form their own ideas without fear of repercussions. According to the Penn State principles, [students] “I will demonstrate respect for others by striving to learn from differences between people, ideas, and opinions” (Penn State Principles). This shows the university wants us to experience political diversity by allowing us to state our opinions and ideas, because political viewpoints are nothing more then diversity of opinion. For example, someone may explain abortions as saving the economy from a drain of a child who will need to be supported by the state, while someone else will plainly call it murder. By being presented to these diverse opinions everyone can choose to accept an opinion, or they can form their own opinion. [This paragraph seems to have a thesis and moves along a course attempting to state it, but it's perplexingly written].

The last important spectrum in diversity is that of educational possibilities. Penn State offers 159 different majors at University Park alone and offers countless hundreds of classes. What does this mean for the university? This diverse course loads at Penn State give us the opportunity to learn not only the narrow amount of knowledge that will help us succeed in a job, but [and] a broad base of knowledge that will help us be better global citizens. We will do this by not only studying other languages and cultures, but by covering the basics in a wide array of topics the individual colleges deem fit. Penn State requires a minimum of 120 credits for a degree in most majors[.] they [Many programs] require certain general education requirements. These requirements are in place to introduce us to the wide variety of options we have in our education, and Penn State strongly recommends embracing them in a[ ]way that will fulfill your individual desire for education.

I will not bore you will reciting what I conveyed in paragraphs above, but rather leave you with the slogan Penn State tried drilling home “Make your first year count.” I feel this necessary to say because it allows you to let go of the ideals imprinted on you, and soak in the diverse culture you can experience maybe the only time in your life. This is what I think Penn State has been trying to achieve, so in conclusion with the words of Bob Marley, “Judge not, before you judge yourself.” [Whoa there, chief. This isn't how you right a conclusion. It's too conversational, for one thing. For another, if you think explaining why I've just read your essay will bore me, why do you think I've read this far in the first place? Anyway, I like the point you make here, at the end, but it could be stated in a more serious tone that would better serve your argument.]

[This paper, as I stated above, either indicates serious problems with writing an argumentative essay or a complete lack of any consideration on the part of the author. There are enough typographical errors and simple misusages of words ("away" instead of "a way") that lead me to the latter. In any case, I highly encourage you to consult with me on the draft of your next paper or to seek help at the writing center. If you would like to consult with me, please print out an unmarked copy of this essay (double spaced) that we can work on.]

Works Cited

Enrollment by Ethnic Category.2005. 22 Sept. 2005 < http://www.budget.psu.edu>∞.

Quotes from Malcolm X. 22 Sept. 2005


"The Penn State Principles." Penn State Website. 2005. Penn State Website.

Wikipedia. 2005. Wikipedia. 22 Sept 2005 <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diversity>∞.

Ok, in Word it is formatted right on own page works cited is centered I can't get it to work in the wiki sorry.