Most recent edit on 2005-09-26 16:32:14 by EschaTon
Additions:
[This essay seems to express a general lack of organization or proofreading. Many of the sentences spirl off into incoherence as clauses pile on top of one another. If you would like me to read through your next draft, please drop by my office hours or take the time to set up an appointment with the writing center. Your ideas are there, but the styllistic chaos greatly distracts from the meaning you wish to convey to your audience]
Deletions:
[This essay seems to express a general lack of organization or critical thought. Many of the sentences spirl off into incoherence as clauses pile on top of one another. If you would like me to read through your next draft, please drop by my office hours or take the time to set up an appointment with the writing center. Your ideas are there, but the styllistic chaos greatly distracts from the meaning you wish to convey to your audience]
Edited on 2005-09-26 16:31:40 by EschaTon
Additions:
Diversity can be defined as one of many things, which means it is all in the eyes of the beholder. [The] Merriam-Webster [Dictionary] defines diversity, or diverse, as ["]differing from one another or as composed of distinct or unlike elements or qualities["]. Some people may consider diversity to be a fact of different races, while others may consider it to be a difference in political beliefs. Some may see it to be a difference in religion, while some others may see it as a difference in team loyalty. All of these are correct in the fact that they all represent differences from one another, but some people do not use these as a basis to define diversity.
The first word that comes to mind when the word diversity is said to me is race or ethnicity. There is a vast difference of different types[a difference of different people ... say that out loud and see if it sounds weird, because it is very repetitive] [array]of people and cultures and beliefs at this massive university we like to call Penn State. To be exact, when the student census was taken there were six different types of ethnicities. These were[:] White, Native Americans, African Americans, Asians, Hispanics, and International students. To break it down a little more there are, at this university right now, [there are] 33,211 Whites, 64 Native Americans, 1,572 African Americans, 1,858 Asians, 1,155 Hispanics, and 2,711 International Students. All of these makes up a grand total of 40,571 students and that is just the numbers from University Park. [Conclude this point. Start a new paragraph. Then state this fact. You jump ideas right here and it's uncomfortable] Diversity, in my opinion, is a very good thing. Without diversity there would be no appreciation of other cultures and beliefs[.] which [This] would ultimately lead to a [make the world] very boring place to live [this sentence, as written, was a run on. I've tried to offer an alternate way of stating what you've said that makes your points more clear]. Diversity is one of the best learning tools because of the fact that one can learn so much more from a person or group of people from their past experiences with other cultures and different people than any type of text book [This sentence is also a run-on, see what you can do to fix it].
When one walks around the campus of Penn State[,] they can not help but see and interact with so many different cultures that it is mind boggling. In many ways it is good and in some ways it is bad. [This sentence doesn't really accomplish anything.] The pro’s [you need a better way to state this] to this is the fact of [that] being able to interact and learn from so many different types of people. This is important in order to become more appreciative and understanding of what some people are all about and where they come from. In some ways[,] that this could be bad would be for a person who is not understanding and appreciative of all the different cultures and beliefs. This person could possibly form a hatred for someone who is different from them. These types of people are very shallow and uncertain about themselves [These are generalizations. If you are going to judge these kinds of people, you should have something to rely on.]. That is why they act in such a manor of unacceptability. This should not be tolerated because not only are they showing hatred towards students that have just as much right to be here as they do, but it is not good for the community because of the fact that they are not willing to be tolerant of “different” people [another run-on].
Penn State’s definition of diversity should not be limited to one definition. It should be rather a personal definition in which every single person should be able to create their own [isn't this impossible?]. When people are looking at a college or some type of university it should not matter what kind of people are there and what the percentages are of the different types of people because they should all just be going to school to get an education and worrying about themselves [run-on]. Without diversity[,] life here at Penn State would not be nearly as interesting and exciting as it is. By appreciating a different culture [<- this does not agree with this ->] does not mean that you have to agree with everything that person believes in, all it means is that you should be sensitive to the persons feelings and respect them as a person and do not treat them as if they were inferior or “under” you. [this is, again, a run-on]
In conclusion, diversity should not have to be defined as one specific thing, [R]ather[,] it should be interpreted by each individual and they should be able to form a definition on their own [how is this useful. You've established that diversity is broad, but you've not established how such a definitional system can work. What if I decide that my def. of diversity doesn't include women?]. Be sensitive to the fact that someone else may not be the same as you and may not have the same interests, or dress the same, or may not have the same religious beliefs, or god forbid may not be the same color as you [run-on]. Be accepting of them and treat them the same as you would anyone else and show some respect. Besides, can’t we all just get along?
[This essay seems to express a general lack of organization or critical thought. Many of the sentences spirl off into incoherence as clauses pile on top of one another. If you would like me to read through your next draft, please drop by my office hours or take the time to set up an appointment with the writing center. Your ideas are there, but the styllistic chaos greatly distracts from the meaning you wish to convey to your audience]
Deletions:
Diversity can be defined as one of many things, which means it is all in the eyes of the beholder. Merriam-Webster defines diversity, or diverse, as differing from one another or as composed of distinct or unlike elements or qualities. Some people may consider diversity to be a fact of different races, while others may consider it to be a difference in political beliefs. Some may see it to be a difference in religion, while some others may see it as a difference in team loyalty. All of these are correct in the fact that they all represent differences from one another, but some people do not use these as a basis to define diversity.
The first word that comes to mind when the word diversity is said to me is race or ethnicity. There is a vast difference of different types of people and cultures and beliefs at this massive university we like to call Penn State. To be exact, when the student census was taken there were six different types of ethnicities. These were White, Native Americans, African Americans, Asians, Hispanics, and International students. To break it down a little more there are, at this university right now, 33,211 Whites, 64 Native Americans, 1,572 African Americans, 1,858 Asians, 1,155 Hispanics, and 2,711 International Students. All of these makes up a grand total of 40, 571 students and that is just the numbers from University Park. Diversity, in my opinion, is a very good thing. Without diversity there would be no appreciation of other cultures and beliefs which would ultimately lead to a very boring place to live. Diversity is one of the best learning tools because of the fact that one can learn so much more from a person or group of people from their past experiences with other cultures and different people than any type of text book.
When one walks around the campus of Penn State they can not help but see and interact with so many different cultures that it is mind boggling. In many ways it is good and in some ways it is bad. The pro’s to this is the fact of being able to interact and learn from so many different types of people. This is important in order to become more appreciative and understanding of what some people are all about and where they come from. In some ways that this could be bad would be for a person who is not understanding and appreciative of all the different cultures and beliefs. This person could possibly form a hatred for someone who is different from them. These types of people are very shallow and uncertain about themselves. That is why they act in such a manor of unacceptability. This should not be tolerated because not only are they showing hatred towards students that have just as much right to be here as they do, but it is not good for the community because of the fact that they are not willing to be tolerant of “different” people.
Penn State’s definition of diversity should not be limited to one definition. It should be rather a personal definition in which every single person should be able to create their own. When people are looking at a college or some type of university it should not matter what kind of people are there and what the percentages are of the different types of people because they should all just be going to school to get an education and worrying about themselves. Without diversity life here at Penn State would not be nearly as interesting and exciting as it is. By appreciating a different culture does not mean that you have to agree with everything that person believes in, all it means is that you should be sensitive to the persons feelings and respect them as a person and do not treat them as if they were inferior or “under” you.
In conclusion, diversity should not have to be defined as one specific thing, rather it should be interpreted by each individual and they should be able to form a definition on their own. Be sensitive to the fact that someone else may not be the same as you and may not have the same interests, or dress the same, or may not have the same religious beliefs, or god forbid may not be the same color as you. Be accepting of them and treat them the same as you would anyone else and show some respect. Besides, can’t we all just get along?
Diversity can be defined as one of many things, which means it is all in the eyes of the beholder. Merriam-Webster defines diversity, or diverse, as differing from one another or as composed of distinct or unlike elements or qualities. Some people may consider diversity to be a fact of different races, while others may consider it to be a difference in political beliefs. Some may see it to be a difference in religion, while some others may see it as a difference in team loyalty. All of these are correct in the fact they all are a difference from one another, but some people do not use all of these to define diversity.
The first word that comes to mind when the word diversity is said to me is race or ethnicity. There is a vast difference of different types of people and cultures and beliefs at this massive university we like to call Penn State. To be exact, when the student census was taken there were six different types of ethnicities. These were White, Native Americans, African Americans, Asians, Hispanics, and International students. To break it down a little more there are, at this university right now, 33,211 Whites, 64 Native Americans, 1,572 African Americans, 1,858 Asians, 1,155 Hispanics, and 2,711 International Students. All of these makes up a grand total of 40, 571 students and that is just the numbers from University Park. Diversity, in my opinion, is a very good thing. Without diversity there would be no appreciation of other cultures and beliefs which would ultimately lead to a very boring place to live. Diversity is one of the best learning tools because of the fact that one can learn so much more from a person or group of people from their past experiences with other cultures and different people than any type of text book.
When one walks around the campus of Penn State they can’t help but see and interact with so many different cultures that it is mind boggling. In many ways it is good and in some ways it is bad. The pro’s to this is the fact of being able to interact and learn from so many different types of people. This is important in order to become more appreciative and understanding of what some people are all about and where they come from. In some ways that this could be bad would be for a person who is not understanding and appreciative of all the different cultures and beliefs. This person could possibly for a hatred for someone who is different from them. These types of people are very shallow and uncertain about themselves. That is why they act in such a manor of unacceptability and this should not be tolerated because not only are they showing hatred towards students that have just as much right to be here that they do, but it is not good for the community because of the fact that they are not willing to be tolerant of “different” people.
Penn State’s definition of diversity should be not limited to one definition. It should be rather a personal definition in which every single person should be able to create their own. When people are looking at a college or some type of university it should not matter what kind of people are there and what the percentages are of the different types of people because they should all just be going to school to get an education and worrying about themselves. Without diversity life here at Penn State would not be nearly as interesting and exciting as it is. By appreciating a different culture doesn’t mean that you have to agree with everything that person believes in, all it means is that you should be sensitive to the persons feelings and respect them as a person and don’t treat them as if they were inferior or “under” you. In conclusion diversity should not have to be defined as one specific thing, rather it should be interpreted by each individual and they should be able to form a definition on their own. Be sensitive to the fact that someone else may not be the same as you and may not have the same interests, or dress the same, or not have the same religious beliefs, or god forbid not be the same color as you. Be accepting of them and treat them the same as you would anyone else and show some respect. Besides, cant we all just get along??
Edited on 2005-09-22 22:29:56 by RyanDeWeese
Additions:
Diversity can be defined as one of many things, which means it is all in the eyes of the beholder. Merriam-Webster defines diversity, or diverse, as differing from one another or as composed of distinct or unlike elements or qualities. Some people may consider diversity to be a fact of different races, while others may consider it to be a difference in political beliefs. Some may see it to be a difference in religion, while some others may see it as a difference in team loyalty. All of these are correct in the fact that they all represent differences from one another, but some people do not use these as a basis to define diversity.
When one walks around the campus of Penn State they can not help but see and interact with so many different cultures that it is mind boggling. In many ways it is good and in some ways it is bad. The pro’s to this is the fact of being able to interact and learn from so many different types of people. This is important in order to become more appreciative and understanding of what some people are all about and where they come from. In some ways that this could be bad would be for a person who is not understanding and appreciative of all the different cultures and beliefs. This person could possibly form a hatred for someone who is different from them. These types of people are very shallow and uncertain about themselves. That is why they act in such a manor of unacceptability. This should not be tolerated because not only are they showing hatred towards students that have just as much right to be here as they do, but it is not good for the community because of the fact that they are not willing to be tolerant of “different” people.
Penn State’s definition of diversity should not be limited to one definition. It should be rather a personal definition in which every single person should be able to create their own. When people are looking at a college or some type of university it should not matter what kind of people are there and what the percentages are of the different types of people because they should all just be going to school to get an education and worrying about themselves. Without diversity life here at Penn State would not be nearly as interesting and exciting as it is. By appreciating a different culture does not mean that you have to agree with everything that person believes in, all it means is that you should be sensitive to the persons feelings and respect them as a person and do not treat them as if they were inferior or “under” you.
Diversity can be defined as one of many things, which means it is all in the eyes of the beholder. Merriam-Webster defines diversity, or diverse, as differing from one another or as composed of distinct or unlike elements or qualities. Some people may consider diversity to be a fact of different races, while others may consider it to be a difference in political beliefs. Some may see it to be a difference in religion, while some others may see it as a difference in team loyalty. All of these are correct in the fact they all are a difference from one another, but some people do not use all of these to define diversity.
Deletions:
Diversity can be defined as one of many things, which means it is all in the eyes of the beholder. Merriam-Webster defines diversity, or diverse, as differing from one another or as composed of distinct or unlike elements or qualities. Some people may consider diversity to be a fact of different races, while others may consider it to be a difference in political beliefs. Some may see it to be a difference in religion, while some others may see it as a difference in team loyalty. All of these are correct in the fact they all are a difference from one another, but some people do not use all of these to define diversity.
Edited on 2005-09-18 22:34:33 by RyanDeWeese
Additions:
Diversity can be defined as one of many things, which means it is all in the eyes of the beholder. Merriam-Webster defines diversity, or diverse, as differing from one another or as composed of distinct or unlike elements or qualities. Some people may consider diversity to be a fact of different races, while others may consider it to be a difference in political beliefs. Some may see it to be a difference in religion, while some others may see it as a difference in team loyalty. All of these are correct in the fact they all are a difference from one another, but some people do not use all of these to define diversity.
When one walks around the campus of Penn State they can’t help but see and interact with so many different cultures that it is mind boggling. In many ways it is good and in some ways it is bad. The pro’s to this is the fact of being able to interact and learn from so many different types of people. This is important in order to become more appreciative and understanding of what some people are all about and where they come from. In some ways that this could be bad would be for a person who is not understanding and appreciative of all the different cultures and beliefs. This person could possibly for a hatred for someone who is different from them. These types of people are very shallow and uncertain about themselves. That is why they act in such a manor of unacceptability and this should not be tolerated because not only are they showing hatred towards students that have just as much right to be here that they do, but it is not good for the community because of the fact that they are not willing to be tolerant of “different” people.
Moore, John. “Proposal for Revising the Intercultural/International Competence Requirements.” Senate Committee on Curricular Affairs. http://www.senate.psu.edu/record/record042704.htm#caandue∞
University Budget Office. “Enrollment by Ethnicity.” http://www.budget.psu.edu/factbook/Student2000/EnrolbyEthnicitySummary.asp∞
Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary. http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=diverse&x=16&y=22∞
Deletions:
Diversity can be defined as one of many things, which means it is all in the eyes of the beholder. Merriam-Webster defines diversity, or diverse, as differing from one another or as composed of distinct or unlike elements or qualities. Some people may consider diversity to be a fact of different races, while others may consider it to be a difference in political beliefs. Some may see it to be a difference in religion, while some others may see it as a difference in team loyalty. All of these are correct in the fact they all are a difference from one another, but some people do not use all of these to define diversity.
When one walks around the campus of Penn State they can’t help but see and interact with so many different cultures that it is mind boggling. In many ways it is good and in some ways it is bad. The pro’s to this is the fact of being able to interact and learn from so many different types of people. This is important in order to become more appreciative and understanding of what some people are all about and where they come from. In some ways that this could be bad would be for a person who is not understanding and appreciative of all the different cultures and beliefs. This person could possibly for a hatred for someone who is different from them. These types of people are very shallow and uncertain about themselves. That is why they act in such a manor of unacceptability and this should not be tolerated because not only are they showing hatred towards students that have just as much right to be here that they do, but it is not good for the community because of the fact that they are not willing to be tolerant of “different” people.
Oldest known version of this page was edited on 2005-09-18 22:33:24 by RyanDeWeese []
Page view:
Diversity can be defined as one of many things, which means it is all in the eyes of the beholder. Merriam-Webster defines diversity, or diverse, as differing from one another or as composed of distinct or unlike elements or qualities. Some people may consider diversity to be a fact of different races, while others may consider it to be a difference in political beliefs. Some may see it to be a difference in religion, while some others may see it as a difference in team loyalty. All of these are correct in the fact they all are a difference from one another, but some people do not use all of these to define diversity.
The first word that comes to mind when the word diversity is said to me is race or ethnicity. There is a vast difference of different types of people and cultures and beliefs at this massive university we like to call Penn State. To be exact, when the student census was taken there were six different types of ethnicities. These were White, Native Americans, African Americans, Asians, Hispanics, and International students. To break it down a little more there are, at this university right now, 33,211 Whites, 64 Native Americans, 1,572 African Americans, 1,858 Asians, 1,155 Hispanics, and 2,711 International Students. All of these makes up a grand total of 40, 571 students and that is just the numbers from University Park. Diversity, in my opinion, is a very good thing. Without diversity there would be no appreciation of other cultures and beliefs which would ultimately lead to a very boring place to live. Diversity is one of the best learning tools because of the fact that one can learn so much more from a person or group of people from their past experiences with other cultures and different people than any type of text book.
When one walks around the campus of Penn State they can’t help but see and interact with so many different cultures that it is mind boggling. In many ways it is good and in some ways it is bad. The pro’s to this is the fact of being able to interact and learn from so many different types of people. This is important in order to become more appreciative and understanding of what some people are all about and where they come from. In some ways that this could be bad would be for a person who is not understanding and appreciative of all the different cultures and beliefs. This person could possibly for a hatred for someone who is different from them. These types of people are very shallow and uncertain about themselves. That is why they act in such a manor of unacceptability and this should not be tolerated because not only are they showing hatred towards students that have just as much right to be here that they do, but it is not good for the community because of the fact that they are not willing to be tolerant of “different” people.
Penn State’s definition of diversity should be not limited to one definition. It should be rather a personal definition in which every single person should be able to create their own. When people are looking at a college or some type of university it should not matter what kind of people are there and what the percentages are of the different types of people because they should all just be going to school to get an education and worrying about themselves. Without diversity life here at Penn State would not be nearly as interesting and exciting as it is. By appreciating a different culture doesn’t mean that you have to agree with everything that person believes in, all it means is that you should be sensitive to the persons feelings and respect them as a person and don’t treat them as if they were inferior or “under” you. In conclusion diversity should not have to be defined as one specific thing, rather it should be interpreted by each individual and they should be able to form a definition on their own. Be sensitive to the fact that someone else may not be the same as you and may not have the same interests, or dress the same, or not have the same religious beliefs, or god forbid not be the same color as you. Be accepting of them and treat them the same as you would anyone else and show some respect. Besides, cant we all just get along??