Many people wonder why there has been an increase in child obesity over the past 30 to 40 years and what has caused this increase. The leading cause of child obesity in the United States can be attributed to the television. Studies have shown that children watch between 20 to 30 hours of television per week. That is an average of about 4 hours a day. This is way too much[,] considering the average number of hours that a child spends in school per year is about 900 and the average number of hours that a child spends watching television is about 1500. There is no reason at all why the number of hours spent watching television is almost double that of the number of hours spent in school. [Are these statistics an increase over decades pass? If you are arguing for the increase of obesity being linked to the increase in television watching, you have to show readers that TV watching is increasing]
Another thing that doesn’t help the fact that children watch way too much television and are becoming less active and obese is the fact that 70% of all day cares use televisions as an activity for children instead of an outside activity where kids can expend energy and just be active [This sentence is entirely too long and a little unclear. I see what your point is, but it is difficult to extract and only a guess]. One fact that was hard to stomach was the fact that when children were asked what they would rather do, watch television or spend time with their fathers, 54% said that they would rather watch television [This sentence is too conversational]. There is something wrong with this in our society when children begin appreciating time with an inanimate object more than they do with there own fathers. [And that something is ... This is the part in your paper where your argument should kick in. It seems that you've made the case, with your research, that you are attempting to suggest that TV is replacing parenting, but ... you never say that (which would be a more interesting argument)]
Not only is too much television a risk to a child’s health, it is also a risk to their psychological development. By the time that they have finished elementary school, the average child will have watched or heard of over 8,000 murders on television. Another fun fact is that the average young person sees 200,000 acts of violence on television by the time they are 18; 40,000 of which are murders. [Conclude this paragraph here ... because you start talking about a different idea in your next sentence. Also, so what, the infant mortality rate was enormous in the 1800s and no one worried that having siblings die desensitized children to death. Is it because it is presented as entertainment? Maybe this paper should have said so ...] Young people that watch too much television show the same symptoms as someone who has a serious substance abuse problem. The reason for this is that they both show the same symptoms [you repeat yourself here] which include: 1) using TV as a sedative; 2) indiscriminate viewing; 3) feeling loss of control while viewing; 4) feeling angry with oneself for watching too much; 5) inability to stop watching; and 6) feeling miserable when kept from watching.( Teaching Science page 1). Childhood obesity has led 11% of children to be at risk for many health problems and serious diseases such as heart disease, most of which they know nothing about, and it’s all because of the television [This is the third seperate point you've made in this paragraph]. Studies have shown that in 4 hours of Saturday morning cartoons, there was over 200 advertisements for junk foods. When children see these ads they don’t think about the consequences of
them eating the foods in them and how unhealthy they could be for them, all they think about is how much they want whatever is on the television [why? do you have any proof of this?]. I would say that 90% of what is being advertised is very unhealthy to a child [and you base this guess on what?]
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Television time must be regulated for our young people because it only took a little over 30 years in order for the amount of obese children to increase by 54%, just imagine what will keep happening if this is a steady increase. Do we really want our young people to suffer all from a television?
[
While this paper does have a coherent thesis, it fails to make a novel or convincing argument for the topic. While a lot of basic claims are made, there is no real analysis or prolepsis. For instance, we have been watching teevee in America since the 1950s, why has the obesity rate only now become a problem? What has changed? What is different? Also, on a more functional level, the next to last paragraph should probably be about four (much longer) seperate paragraphs, as it presents four unrelated ideas (but does not sucessfully argue any of them).]
Many people wonder why there has been an increase in child obesity over the past 30 to 40 years and what has caused this increase. The leading cause of child obesity in the United States can be attributed to the television. Studies have shown that children watch between 20 to 30 hours of television per week. That is an average of about 4 hours a day. This is way too much considering the average number of hours that a child spends in school per year is about 900 and the average number of hours that a child spends watching television is about 1500. There is no reason at all why the number of hours spent watching television is almost double that of the number of hours spent in school. Another thing that doesn’t help the fact that children watch way too much television and are becoming less active and obese is the fact that 70% of all day cares use televisions as an activity for children instead of an outside activity where kids can expend energy and just be active. One fact that was hard to stomach was the fact that when children were asked what they would rather do, watch television or spend time with their fathers, 54% said that they would rather watch television. There is something wrong with this in our society when children begin appreciating time with an inanimate object more than they do with there own fathers. Not only is too much television a risk to a child’s health, it is also a risk to their psychological development. On average the number of murders that a child will hear about or see on television is 8,000 and that is only by the time that they finish elementary school. Another fun fact is that the average young person sees 200,000 acts of violence on television by the time they are 18; 40,000 of which are murders. Young people that watch too much television show the same symptoms of that in which someone could be considered to have a serious substance abuse. The reason for this is that they both show the same symptoms which include: 1) using TV as a sedative; 2) indiscriminate viewing; 3) feeling loss of control while viewing; 4) feeling angry with oneself for watching too much; 5) inability to stop watching; and 6) feeling miserable when kept from watching.( Teaching Science, Television and Health page 1). Many national surveys have shown that 4.7 million children between the ages of 6 and 11 tend to be severely overweight which is over twice the amount of children since 1960. This means that 11% of this age group is at risk for many health problems and even some serious diseases such as heart disease and most of which don’t even know what these mean and how serious they are, and its all because of a screen with moving pictures on it, a.k.a. the television. Studies have shown that in 4 hours of Saturday morning cartoons, there was over 200 advertisements for junk foods. When children see these ads they don’t think about the consequences of them eating the foods in them and how unhealthy they could be for them, all they think about is how much they want whatever is on the television. I would say that 90% of what is being advertised is very, very unhealthy to a child. Television time must be regulated for our young people because it only took a little over 30 years in order for the amount of obese children to increase by 54%, just imagine what will keep happening if this is a steady increase. Do we really want our young people to suffer all from a television?
information came from
http://www.csun.edu/~vceed002/health/docs/tv&health.html∞