“COME ON RYAN YOU CAN GO FASTER THAN THAT!! ARE TRYING TO TELL ME THAT THIS IS ALL THAT YOU GOT?? THIS WILL NOT DO ANYTHING DOWN IN FLORIDA WHERE THE REAL SWIMMERS ARE,” bellowed my coach from the side of the pool as I swam up and down the pool, lap after lap, trying to get faster. When practice was over my coach pulled me aside and told me that I had what it took to win down in Florida and that all I needed to do was go out there and prove it. The next morning as I boarded the plane to head down to sun-drenched Florida, I just knew that I would be returning the victor.

When we arrived in Florida we went to the hotel and checked in[.] and [T]hen [we] headed to the pool for a quick swim to get the jet lag out [This sent. has a few too many clauses]. After the swim[,] we headed back to the hotel for a good night[']s rest and relaxation. Today was the day; it was my day to show the world that I was the real deal. I woke up early the next morning, from a 9 hour sleep, refreshed, relaxed, and ready to roll. I got out of bed, put on my [the] headphones to my iPod and began listening to ["]The Battle["], from The Gladiator, and left the hotel in hopes that I would return the champion.

When I arrived at the pool, I set my bag down and began to do some arm swings to get ready to warm up. It was time for the morning swim of the Men's 200 Backstroke, so I put my racing suit on, cranked up the volume of my music and began to head back behind the blocks. My mind was completely clear and I was entirely focused on the objective that lay before me. I jumped in the water ready and waiting for the starter sound. ["]Take your mark. BEEP.["] I was off and feeling great, the best that I had ever felt. Here came the first turn,[:] nailed it[,] and I was off again. The second and third were just as good. Final lap and I knew that I was in the lead so all I did was try to crank into the wall. I hit the wall and looked up at the timing board. ["]WHAT!!!!!["] I couldn’t believe what I saw. It was not even my best time[.] and I was heartbroken and feeling worthless. I was in shock. As I walked back over to my coach[,] he said it was an ok swim and that I will have a second chance that night to do it again. I warmed down and left the pool without the result that I had expected.

I tried so hard to forget about the swim and to get a good nap in, but it was not working[.] [A]ll I could think about was how much I sucked that morning. So I just got out of bed and decided to watch a movie.

[I think this should be a new paragraph, as it is a new idea.] The time came to head back over to the pool. When I arrived I did the same thing as in the morning, stretched and warmed up. It was time again, so I strapped on my suit and put my headphones on and headed behind the blocks. ["]Take your mark. BEEP.["] I was off again and this time I felt horrible, nothing seemed to click, I knew that I was in for another crappy race. I hit the wall and did not even want to look at my time, until I saw my team going nuts, so I decided to take a look. I could not believe what I saw. It was my best time and it was also good enough for me to make the USA National swim team. I was ecstatic; I could not believe what I saw. So ever since then[,] when something feels like crap[,] I always know that it could be a good outcome[.] because [I]n the words of Metallica "It don’t feel good until it hurts."

[Overall, this is a very good paper. It needs a little more work with regards to tightening your language and clearly up some minor grammar problems.]