Diversity is something that most colleges pride themselves on. They like to brag about it, almost
like [as if] having a wide range of students from different backgrounds will make them a better university. The term diversity can mean a lot of different things. There is diversity based on race, gender, country, state, city, religion, intelligence, athletic ability, age, or any other characteristic that separates different groups of people. Generally, when a college is talking about how it wants to increase its diversity, it is talking about race. Upon searching the Penn State website for statistics about diversity, race was the main subject that came up.
While it is important not to discriminate against applicants based on race, there are a lot more important things that a university should focus on in order improve the university as a whole. Admissions officers should be looking for students that will devote themselves to earning a college degree, as well as making Penn State a better college through service projects and activity involvement. The best way to do this is through looking at prospective students’ high school activities and academics. Race and location should not be determining factors on whether or not a student gets into a college. If the student is qualified they should be accepted. Accepting a minority student, solely because they are a minority, in attempts to boost diversity statistics is almost as repulsive as keeping a student out of a college because they are a minority.
There is no way that Penn State is actually as concerned with racial and residency statistics as it appears to be. After all, roughly 80 percent of the students at University Park are white (“IST: Diversity at Penn State”). Roughly 74 percent of the students at University Park are from Pennsylvania (“Enrollment By Residency”).
Basically, [T]he vast majority of undergraduate students at University Park are
a bunch [this is too conversational] of white Pennsylvanians. There
really isn’t [is not; don't use contractions in academic writing] much diversity based on those two categories. The statistics on diversity based on race
haven’t [have not] changed very much in the past 10 years. It appears as if there has been very little done in order to change the level of diversity (“Enrollment By Ethnic Category”). However, this
isn’t [is not] the kind of diversity that needs to be important to Penn State. No matter what the students here look like, or where they came from, they will each bring something unique to Penn State. We are all naturally diverse. We have experienced different situations in our lives. We have different opinions about a wide variety of topics.
There is no need for Penn State to have a definition of diversity. Penn State does not need to seek out diversity. As long as Penn State continues to be a great university for academics, sports, and recreation, there will be students attending Penn State. These students will each be unique. Diversity is differences among people. Anyone that has taken a biology course knows that we are all different on the genetic level. Anyone that has taken a psychology course knows that our thought patterns are all different. Our differences are what make us great. We do not need to define our differences with race and residency. The simple differences of the mind are far more interesting and important. When a Penn State student makes a breakthrough discovery in medicine it is because of hard work and intelligence, not race. [But if we are a school of white Pennsylvanians, how will learn about other races? Especially considering that non-white people make up a majority of the world's population? Shouldn't diversity definitions be deployed by University administrators to encourage some kind of cross-cultural mingling?]
One could say that a bunch of white Pennsylvanians are all very similar [yep]. That would be a very misguided statement [I'm not so sure]. In just one of my classes, there is a very wide variety. There are fans of different sports teams (Eagles, Steelers, etc.). There are different preferences in music. There are different academic interests and majors. There are different hobbies. There are different skills. There are different family types. These are all types of diversity that cannot be seen. These are the kinds that involve getting to know someone. This type of diversity is extremely hard to judge through an admissions process. However, the beauty of this type of diversity is that it does not need to be found. It will always exist. [Okay, not a bad point]
In this day and age, too many people are concerned with being politically correct [very true, but what does that mean?]. Trying to be a diverse university is just a type of this political correctness. Institutions waste a lot of time trying to be politically correct. This time could be better spent on other things [such as?]. The time Penn State spends on trying to persuade different minorities into coming here could be better spent on raising more money for the college, improving facilities, recruiting more professors, or something else to truly make Penn State a better university [do you have any proof that racial recruiting is detracting from these things?]. Society should spend less time focusing on the shallow characteristics and look at what truly makes us individuals.
[Overall, this isn't a bad essay. Your tone is too conversational, at times (don't use contractions, for instance). Also, I don't think this piece engages with counterargument as well as it could. In terms of grammatical correctlness, however, this essay is excellent.]
WORKS CITED
“Enrollment By Ethnic Category.” September 18, 2005. <
http://www.budget.psu.edu/factbook/StudentDynamic/MinorityEnrolbyEthnicity.asp?TableCount=3&ReportCode=H&YearCode=2004Enr∞>
“Enrollment By Residency.” Septmber 18, 2005. <
http://www.budget.psu.edu/factbook/StudentDynamic/PANonPASummary.asp?TableCount=3&YearCode=2004Enr∞>
“IST: Diversity at Penn State.” September 18, 2005. <
http://ist.psu.edu/ist/equity/page2.cfm?pageID=769∞>