Most recent edit on 2005-09-18 15:47:41 by EschaTon
Additions:
I kept pushing. I wasn’t going to let a small injury hold me back from the one thing that would make my “childhood years” complete. It was the championship game for my soccer team, and we were tied with just minutes left on the clock.
Throughout the season, I had been one of the leaders of my team, not only through play, but through voice. I lost my voice practically every game from trying to energize my team to keep pushing, regardless of the importance of the game. The entire season was a great one for our team, and we had made it to the championship game, when the worst thing that could possibly happen to me happened. I was fighting for the ball with all of my ability, when I felt a sharp pain shoot up my leg, as if an explosive had been set off. It was the worst pain I had ever felt, and I didn’t know what to think. There we were[,] in the biggest game of the season, and I could barely put pressure on my right leg. As I lay on the ground, I heard several of my teammates encouraging me to keep going. At that point, they turned into the leaders of the team, and I knew what I had to do. I kept pushing. I wasn’t going to let a small injury hold me back from the one thing that would make my “childhood years” complete. It was the championship game for my soccer team, and we were tied with just minutes left on the clock [This doesn't agree with what you say next].
[Excellent use of an extended image (screaming yourself "hoarse"). Watch out for detail errors like between the last two paragraphs]
Deletions:
I kept pushing. I wasn’t going to let a small injury hold me back from the one thing that would make my “childhood years” complete. It was the championship game for my soccer team, and we were tied with just minutes left on the clock.
Throughout the season, I had been one of the leaders of my team, not only through play, but through voice. I lost my voice practically every game from trying to energize my team to keep pushing, regardless of the importance of the game. The entire season was a great one for our team, and we had made it to the championship game, when the worst thing that could possibly happen to me happened. I was fighting for the ball with all of my ability, when I felt a sharp pain shoot up my leg, as if an explosive had been set off. It was the worst pain I had ever felt, and I didn’t know what to think. There we were in the biggest game of the season, and I could barely put pressure on my right leg. As I lay on the ground, I heard several of my teammates encouraging me to keep going. At that point, they turned into the leaders of the team, and I knew what I had to do. I kept pushing. I wasn’t going to let a small injury hold me back from the one thing that would make my “childhood years” complete. It was the championship game for my soccer team, and we were tied with just minutes left on the clock.
Edited on 2005-09-11 21:37:36 by MelissaMalski
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Nice remix! i really like how you twisted my story to make it your own, very cool. And I think we both made the right decision! -MelissaMalski
Edited on 2005-09-11 11:33:50 by VeritasBlog
Additions:
MelissaMalski's Remixed Narrative
Deletions:
MellisaMalski's Remixed Narrative
Edited on 2005-09-11 11:33:18 by VeritasBlog
Additions:
MellisaMalski's Remixed Narrative
It was move-in day. Not for me, but for my 18 year old sister. After being forced to go on many tours of countless college campuses, she had decided on attending Penn State Univerisity. Prior to the tour she had no desire of attending Penn State, but instantly fell in love with the school as soon as she saw it. I was only a sophomore in high school, and my big sister was going to Penn State.
As the year rolled on, it was time for me to begin thinking about where I would fit in. Where would be the best place for me to go to school? Seeing as how I was only a sophomore, I did have what seemed like an eternity to make this decision, but I did know one thing: Penn State was one of the best places I had ever visited in my life. Just as my sister had fallen in love with Penn State, I knew that was where I belonged. Sporting Penn State apparel virtually every day of the week, most of my peers had an understanding that I wanted Penn State to be my alma-mater. Things were not as simple as I hoped.
In the months to follow, I began with the dreaded college tours. Honestly, who really wants to go sit in a large room and listen to an overly-enthusiastic person brag about the school, and then a monotone old woman bore everybody by explaining all of the different roads that could be taken at the University? After visiting several schools and disliking all of them, it was almost a sure thing that I would be attending Penn State. It had numerous advantages. It was a mere 17,000 dollars a year (and mere is the correct word compared to GW's 40,000), and it supplied a terrific education, not to mention a great college life. I knew this was where I was going until one hot summer day in August.
I decided to take a trip up to NYU. I wasn't sure if it was worth going because I had already had my heart set on Penn State, but I decided to go anyway. As soon as I stepped foot on the grounds of NYU, I knew I had an issue. NYU was a great place, and I wanted to go there. The overly-enthusiastic speaker did not bother me, and the monotone old woman was very interesting. I wanted to go to NYU. I also wanted to go to Penn State.
I knew I was a shoe-in for Penn State, so I applied there very early to get that out of the way. I followed that by beginning to fill out the application to NYU. Half way through the application process for the fighting violets, I received a package in the mail. It was from Penn State University, and written on the front was the word "CONGRATULATIONS!" My entire body jumped out of my skin. I had gotten into the one place that had been on my mind for 3 years. I was accepted to Penn State University. My reaction to this surprised me. I knew I was going to be accepted to the school due to my near perfect GPA and above average SAT scores, but I was still overly-excited. After all, I had been waiting for that day through my entire high school career.
I went back into the house to continue with the NYU application. I sat down at the desk, read the next set of directions on the endless application, stood up, and walked away. I was going to State College for my education. Nothing was going to get in my way of that.
Oldest known version of this page was edited on 2005-09-08 19:51:28 by VeritasBlog []
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Self Narrative
I kept pushing. I wasn’t going to let a small injury hold me back from the one thing that would make my “childhood years” complete. It was the championship game for my soccer team, and we were tied with just minutes left on the clock.
I started playing soccer at the early age of five. It had been a passion of mine for quite some time, and seeing as how it was my last year of high school and my last chance to play with “my team,” I wanted it to be a successful year. We had been so close every year, but we were never able to win the big one. Agonizing defeats in the championships in years past made this year that much more important to me. It was the last year my team would be together, and I was going to make sure it counted.
Throughout the season, I had been one of the leaders of my team, not only through play, but through voice. I lost my voice practically every game from trying to energize my team to keep pushing, regardless of the importance of the game. The entire season was a great one for our team, and we had made it to the championship game, when the worst thing that could possibly happen to me happened. I was fighting for the ball with all of my ability, when I felt a sharp pain shoot up my leg, as if an explosive had been set off. It was the worst pain I had ever felt, and I didn’t know what to think. There we were in the biggest game of the season, and I could barely put pressure on my right leg. As I lay on the ground, I heard several of my teammates encouraging me to keep going. At that point, they turned into the leaders of the team, and I knew what I had to do. I kept pushing. I wasn’t going to let a small injury hold me back from the one thing that would make my “childhood years” complete. It was the championship game for my soccer team, and we were tied with just minutes left on the clock.
After a minute or two of back and forth action, we were down to the last minute of our season. I was not going to let my season end on a bad note. The ball was cleared out to me and I had some space to work with. I charged up the sidelines with the burn of sweat in my eyes and one leg filled with Jello. I rushed past one defender and then split two more. I realized that I had a clear run at the net, and I could hear all of my teammates and our fans cheering me on. This was the moment I had been waiting for my entire life. With all of the energy I had left in my body, I unloaded on the ball. My team won the game two to one. I left the field with a championship trophy and no voice.